Hazardous Pentecostal Testimony Services

[Nahum]

A pastor, quite conservative, and firmly convinced women should never wear britches, and men should only wear britches, makes it his priority to teach this principle quite often from the pulpit of his rural country church.

He integrates this fine principle of Christian discipleship in each of his new convert courses.

Sister Patty Pentecost, new to the whole church scene, finally gets "the revelation" that a woman in pants will split the pit wide open.

So...the next Wednesday night, smack dab in the middle of testimony service, Sister Patty stands to speak. Voice trembling, and hands raised, she blurts out the following statement.

"Church I'm so thankful for my pastor. He's the only one who has ever been able to get my pants off me."







This is a prime example of a testimony service gone bad.

Any other examples?

[deltaguitar]

Living in the Mississippi Delta we have our share of poor country folks. Well this old sister who loved God with all her heart stood up and said, "Well, pastor. I have been going throught some trials and God sent me a song on the radio that said "help me make it through the night" and I listen to that song over and over and I know God is going to help me make it through the night."

[Nahum]

Originally Posted by deltaguitar

Living in the Mississippi Delta we have our share of poor country folks. Well this old sister who loved God with all her heart stood up and said, "Well, pastor. I have been going throught some trials and God sent me a song on the radio that said "help me make it through the night" and I listen to that song over and over and I know God is going to help me make it through the night."

OMG!!!!

Hilarious.

[Jack Shephard]

True story. My church in TN had a lady that would always testify at the wrong time in the service. She was a sweet lady so the Bishop let her go and usually they were fine. One Sunday she stood up and testified that she fell and hurt herself, but her dog walked over and prayed for her and spoke in tongues and God helped her get up and walk again after hurting herself. After this we realized she was losing her mind, but the straw that broke the camels back was when she had been on her meds for a while and started getting better it seemed. One night she testified that she met this young man that sold her some herbal medication (pills). They were extremely legal and nothing was wrong with them except they person told her there was no need in taking her heart meds and her 'head' meds. Well that did not fly very well and basically she stated that was God healing her. Bishop told her that this man was wrong and she needed to take her meds and almost rebuked her (she did need it) then told her to bring the herbal meds to church that night and he would take them and throw them out.

Bad testimonies, but I guess it was good for her to tell the lastone cause it might have prolonged her life. I do remember her trying to testify during Bishops messages and him having to tell her to sit back down, but mainly those were after she was far gone mentally.

[DividedThigh]

little lady as sincere as she could be, used to get up and testify every week, devil been bothering me all week bless his holy name, we were carnal so we sat in the back and sniggered, lol, dt

[rgcraig]

We had a dear ole saint that every time she'd stand up to testify as she stood she would reach in her dress and pull up her bra straps - - - it was just always funny as teenagers to watch her!

[James Griffin]

I remember a one sweet lady visitor testified, and then stated she needed prayer because she felt she was losing her mind now that Sammie had walked out on Cindy.

Prayer insued for this couple and the lady.

After church it was discovered they were characters on her favorite soap opera.

[freeatlast]

Dear old brother had just came back in from the mens room as testimony was going several years ago.

He testified that he had been pretty bound up for a week or so.

We soon realized he did not mean bound by the devil.

As he praised Jesus for giving him, just now, such a great bowel movement.

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by James Griffin

I remember a one sweet lady visitor testified, and then stated she needed prayer because she felt she was losing her mind now that Sammie had walked out on Cindy.

Prayer insued for this couple and the lady.

After church it was discovered they were characters on her favorite soap opera.

LOL! We had a lady do that once in church too. We all about lost it because we knew who she was talking about!!!

[rgcraig]

Originally Posted by freeatlast

Dear old brother had just came back in from the mens room as testimony was going several years ago.

He testified that he had been pretty bound up for a week or so.

We soon realized he did not mean bound by the devil.

As he praised Jesus for giving him, just now, such a great bowel movement.

OH gross!