Husband leaving the church. Very sad n stressed

[allstate1]

Originally Posted by Free 2b Me!

Hi everyone. This is my first post although I've been reading on these boards for awhile now. Here's my situation in a nut shell. About 4 years ago we started attending a new church. It was/is awesome compared to our old church. Old church was clique-ish and the pastor ruled with an iron fist..my way or the highway type church. I'm not just talking about disagreeing with standards and such but I mean you couldn't even tell a friend you were feeling down or needed help praying about something! Once I told another woman I felt lonely and ten minutes later the pastor calls yelling (yes yelling) at me because "I should not counsel with anyone except him!!" Wow! Needless to say after enduring 6 years of him tearing us down we finally got the nerve to leave. So fast forward to now. New church new people..where at first everyone always wanted to hang out with us..especially when my husband had a great job making lots more than he does now. We would go out to eat with everyone all the time, be invited over people's houses for dinner etc.Now it's like they've forgotten about my husband. I am very outgoing so I really don't have this problem. I feel very loved and like everyone is my family there. Him? Not so much. I feel everyone likes him but he has no real FRiENDS if you know what I mean. No guys ever call him to talk or to go do anything anymore like when we first came

He has went above and beyond to make himself available to them and would go with someone at the drop of a hat if they asked him to go somewhere with him. He's quite a handyman (cars, houses, pretty much everything) so they would call him to say bro s could you come fix this or help me w this or whatever and now he's tired of people "using him". He is the type that would give the shirt off his back to someone and has always been the one to help a friend when no one else would but it seems like after the car, house or whatever is fixed they go back to forgetting about him..

Today was Sunday and he woke up this morning and I said aren't you going to get ready? And he told me he wasn't gojng. I thought he was joking but nope.. He says he's not coming back because no one cares about him.. To make matters worse AFTER he said this and I let our pastor know I wouldn't be there this am the pastor called my phone -not my husbands�� I then had about 6
people call MY PHONE today to say they missed us but really only our pastor called him until later tonight when stuff really started to hit the fan and people realized we may not be coming back. Which he was then like "see they're only calling now bc he told them what was going on or to call".

I have noticed the past year or so that hardly anyone talks to him or takes to him like they do me. I don't know what to do since i do not want to go to church without my husband. I'd rather us find another church where we can both be happy at. This is our 3rd church we have been to in our married life of 10 years. There are kids involved, I'm the piano player at my church. So I am very involved. I don't want to be labeled as a "church hopper". It's just sooo depressing. He says now he is pretty much through with people. He's tired of us always being used and he especially doesn't want to end up at another church like our first two were (ultra-con, tattlers, people worshiping the pastor). Our church now would probably be considered moderate. None of us have a judge mental attitude and everyone is treated the same when they come in regardless of dress/money status.

I felt like when we came here third time was a charm and I love it here but I also don't know whether to just go anyways (which he wants me to keep going, he said he has hated to see me cry all day today) he would never keep us from going anyways. Or go somewhere else and hope he tags along. I don't know if he would go anywhere though because he said "why go when it will be the same anywhere else" I am starting to feel the same way. I don't know that we could find a church like ours around here since most all are ultra con (even upc)

there is one here in town that does preach truth but do not have a "dress code" most wear dresses but some women wear pants , men have beards etc. which that's a WHOLE "nuther" issue in itself. I have struggled hard with our standards (not really whether I am able to keep them but the effect it will have telling my children (don't wear pants, makeup, trim your hair etc when I'm not sure I even believe half of that!) I wear makeup, keep my hair trimmed, "henna" (natural dye) it, all that jazz so yeah:/ my husband has a beard now but our pastor preached against it which we don't agree with. If we went to another church it would have to be one that didn't preach against those thing. And yes I know sentences don't start with "and" aaaaannnnd that posting that makes us sound like rebellious church hoppers w itching ears (we aren't) aaaand I'm rambling so I'll end this now for yalls sake.

Well thanks for being my therapy for tonight .. How much do I owe y'all?
*** whole forum smiles and nods saying "I seeee"*** lol

Any suggestions?

I will tell you this as a man. Men are naturally fixers and sounds like your husband is one of the best. But sometimes when a man does above and beyond and instead of getting praise and appreciation ( I know he does not want or expect) they get brow beat over something petty (beard etc) it will mentally and physically wear him out. He probably will never admit this to you. We are tough men remember. But sometimes we just need a break. Sometimes we need a break from the very thing that will overall help us. But without a break we could learn to hate that very thing also. Does not sound like your husband has lost faith in God. Let him rest, be encouraging DO NOT NAG. And remember. Its God, family then church!

[good samaritan]

Originally Posted by allstate1

This post makes no sense to me and after reading it several times it only leads me to believe that you think each individual church is its own body.

I never intended to convey the message that someone should stay in the middle of scandal and immorality.

I mean by this I wouldn't stay at a church were the leadership is in sin.

The bible teaches us to know them who labor among you. That is another issue. So many times people go to church and they have no connection and it blows their mind to hear something about someone else. We should get to know the people that we labor with.

I meant by this that we should know people we go to church with. If we don't see them but once or twice a week and it is only during scheduled services how do we know that they aren't a child molester, thief, liar, murderer, etc... We need to connect with fellow laborers in the local church and know some about them.

Spend time and don't be so distant the we are taken off guard. Most people smell a rat almost at first impression. Take time deciding the church to attend and getting to know people. I would even be up front with the pastor in consideration and while visiting explain that I am just looking and praying before I make any commitments. After a season you will know. P.S. there isn't any place perfect so you will have to settle over somethings, but they shouldn't be doctrinal truths.

I meant that before a person commit to calling this his home church then they should take the time to pray and study the overall church's personality before. Seek God's will.

[good samaritan]

Originally Posted by allstate1

This post makes no sense to me and after reading it several times it only leads me to believe that you think each individual church is its own body.

I believe that every individual church is only a part of the body. I don't see where that post made you think that? As far as work goes I have held jobs that I had to miss church for. I don't condemn the career decisions you have made, but I would ask for you to consider if you are fulfilling the call God has on your life. Your right there is not a quota. Forsaking doesn't mean missing because you have to work, but it means not deserting your family. You said God - family - church. I propose to you that the church is your family. Sure, you are most accountable to your spouse and children, but the church shouldn't be just a club.

I believe you should have a local church that you are connected as best as you can (the time you are home attend, prayer partners within the church, elders you can call on for advice, etc.). The saints that were trying to pray you through were probably not meaning any offense, but I think that there should be more teaching on alter work. Pentecostals have ran off a lot of good people because of being unwise at alter calls.

Although you may have valid reasons for not attending regularly scheduled services you must understand that is not always the case with everyone. I have seen people first hand stop 1) having fellowship within the church 2) then missing services 3) then right back in sin. It doesn't always go that way, but it is very serious to cut off sources of spiritual nourishment. Any new doctrine that comes out saying you can do less for God I have to question. I think we should be seeking to do more.