Seven Days of Sex... Woo Hoo!! :)

[George]

Originally Posted by Neck

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I agree.

If I were to counsel couples before they were to marry.

I would ask them to talk intimately about.

More than..... at what table each friend and family member would sit at.

I would share that they need to talk about money, workload and intimate relations.

I do not know about anyone else on this thread.

I am 44 and have been married in Dec 22 years.

So this coming March marks me being married half of my still young life.

I remember sitting and talking with my girlfriend and asking many things about her dreams and hopes.

I also asked her for the OK to talk about intimate things.

We went into engagement and marriage with intimate understandings.

These understandings were not contractual or devisive.

They were understandings of protection and behavior to have us bond together in both spirit and body.

So there were no hidden agenda's or hidden fetish.

If we were going to change as many ended marriages end because someone has changed.

We were going to change with each other.

While growing up in the church atmosphere that I did as a child.

I saw many a men teating their closest human contact in their adult life as if they were a machine and not a mutual intimate bond.

What I see as confusion in many marriages and intimacy even in the church today.

Is summed up in selfishness, control, fear, stress, and anxiety.

This leads to stress in a relationship.

How many ladies on this thread.

Start to feel stress as the days of the week start to tick towards Saturday morning.

When a relationship is pure and intimacy is true.

These moments are not dreaded or avoided.

They are shared, intimate and loving.

I did not need to read any self help books to understand intimacy.

I started out with a conversation with my girlfriend.

From there we made our mistakes in life and we made them together.

In the past 22 years we have laughed, cried, worried, prayed, loved and (wow) stayed together.

What I see today in society are acts being acted out.

Without the bonds of love and intimacy.

Anyone want to better thier intimate life start with a conversation.

Use that same example into your relationship with Chrsit and have more conversations with him.

My pastor requires several hours of premarital counseling and he encourages them to talk out every aspect of the marriage including sex. He will give them a list of questions and leave the room so they have privacy to discuss intimate issues. He covers "evverrrthang!" There have been many couples thank him because they felt pushing them into these discussions with each other gave them a better sex life. Several times, brides who were raised in the church and had no experience at all, have written letters thanking him because their parents had never talked to them about sex.

Neck, it sounds like you would make a great premarital counselor. If I were your pastor, I would give you the job of premarital counseling.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by 1399

I started this thread.

I have admitted on AFF to struggling with porn-- that's why I come here so as to stay away from the other stuff.


The questions I have prompted or come right out and asked, however, have nothing to do with porn.

It has everything to do with boundaries within a Christian marriage, Christians who decide to set boundaries for others and whether or not they have the scripture to back up the opinions they pass on as command.

Maybe the opinions are Biblical commands. Maybe the opinions are examples of good advice. Maybe the opinions are only opinions.


As a single guy who's been taught that it is a sin for OS to happen between a man and a wife, I wanted to see if any one else was as skeptical about that as I was.

I believe I am open minded enough to be shown scripture or even a Biblical concept that would properly address these questions.

For the most part, the language of this thread has been mature and so has the discussion.


Thanks to all that have kept this thread from drowning in toxic waste.

1399, from the topic of the thread--I'd say the pastor is wrong. (Mind you, I didn't watch the video.)

Wrong, in that, good sex is the result of a good relationship, not the cause of it.

Wrong because it isn't his business, and while his motives might be good, it just isn't his place to tell married couples how often. The Bible isn't specific--it just says not to withhold from one another.

Within a Christian marriage, all you have to do is use biblical principles--even in the bedroom. Serve one another in love, make meeting your spouse's needs your priority, and your own needs will get met in the process.

The moment selfishness sets in, and you start making demands of your spouse with the narrow goal of having your needs met, well...things will deteriorate quickly.

The boundaries in the bedroom should be simple. We're here to please one another, and anything that displeases either of us should be left outside the door. A Venn Diagram comes to mind.

I also think TV's should be left out of the bedroom, but that's another thread. Probably.

[Neck]

Originally Posted by ILG

I am really going to go to bed to sleep after this! I am never up this late!!

I'm not talking about the natural drive differences. If a person does not have respect towards their spouse....in reasonable frequency...in what is done in private....but feels a need to constantly pressure something that is not desired by the other....I would suspecy a sexual addiction. Because this person is not using sex as a means to more intimacy. The sex act is actually causing less intimacy and driving the couple apart.

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The addictive behavior is a quest for true intimacy.

Intimacy will not be found ever solely in an act.

Intimacy is pure, honest, loving and without selfish motives.

Fullfilment comes in a union of peace, love and unity.

Many pursue the next act to try and restore intimacy and unity.

Intimacy is found in a full relationship before the act, during the act and after the act.

All the talk on this thread about this act, that act, these facts, those facts only avoid the relationship that should exist outside the act.

Move away from the act and look at the motive.

If there is true beauty or poetry in tendor intimacy.

It will not intimidate, frustrate, or denigrate it will illuminate and elevate.

She is not an object to be pandered at my will.

She is the desire of heart, before she is the desire of my desires.

We all have a love story, many have just forgotten that their are 2 characters in the story.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by Neck

...She is not an object to be pandered at my will.

She is the desire of heart, before she is the desire of my desires.

Great post, Neck. You've really had some good thoughts on this thread. I especially like the part above.

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Neck

************************************************** ***

The addictive behavior is a quest for true intimacy.

Intimacy will not be found ever solely in an act.

Intimacy is pure, honest, loving and without selfish motives.

Fullfilment comes in a union of peace, love and unity.

Many pursue the next act to try and restore intimacy and unity.

Intimacy is found in a full relationship before the act, during the act and after the act.

All the talk on this thread about this act, that act, these facts, those facts only avoid the relationship that should exist outside the act.

Move away from the act and look at the motive.

If there is true beauty or poetry in tender intimacy.

It will not intimidate, frustrate, or denigrate it will illuminate and elevate.

She is not an object to be pandered at my will.

She is the desire of heart, before she is the desire of my desires.

We all have a love story, many have just forgot that their are 2 characters in the story.

Best post on the thread, Neck!!!!!

[Neck]

Originally Posted by George

My pastor requires several hours of premarital counseling and he encourages them to talk out every aspect of the marriage including sex. He will give them a list of questions and leave the room so they have privacy to discuss intimate issues. He covers "evverrrthang!" There have been many couples thank him because they felt pushing them into these discussions with each other gave them a better sex life. Several times, brides who were raised in the church and had no experience at all, have written letters thanking him because their parents had never talked to them about sex.

Neck, it sounds like you would make a great premarital counselor. If I were your pastor, I would give you the job of premarital counseling.

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Thanks.

[MissBrattified]

Originally Posted by George

...Several times, brides who were raised in the church and had no experience at all, have written letters thanking him because their parents had never talked to them about sex.

My parents did a great job on most things, but this was one area I was CLUELESS in!!!! Kind of odd, too, because my Dad was very outspoken in general. A few days before my WEDDING, my mother gave me a book by Dr. Dobson that had details about what sex was all about, but she didn't explain ANYthing...just handed me the book and walked out. LOL!

My older sister asked me the night before if I had any questions, but I was too shy about it, and told her no.

So on my wedding day, Dr. Dobson was my only source.

I don't remember the name of the book.

[Neck]

Originally Posted by MissBrattified

Great post, Neck. You've really had some good thoughts on this thread. I especially like the part above.

MissBrattified...

Thanks.

If I could have 5 minutes to review a person's credit report.

Or sit in the back seat of a couples car.

I could conclude their relationship with Christ.

How one spends their money or treats the private time with their spouse.

Is the measure of their spiritual realtionshiop with Christ.

I watch some of my friends and how they tear each other apart.

They constantly battle for position.

I was reminded of power, watching George W Bush and Barak Obama walking the outside walkway at the White house the other day.

I played it in slow motion.

At each turn in the walk, Bush moved out in front, then at the next turn Obama moved out in front.

Each step was a step for power.

Just like the little second graders who try and make the door of the bus first.

Then they both try and force their way into the last seat on the bus.

What they don't realize is that the rest of their lives they will look for the parking spot at the front of the line at the mall.

Perspective changes but the pursuit always lingers.

Loving someone and caring about someone is not surrendering.

It is about being at the top of the hill or in the valley together...

[Jermyn Davidson]

Originally Posted by missbrattified

so on my wedding day, dr. Dobson was my only source.

bwahahaha!!!

[George]

Originally Posted by Neck

************************************************** ***

The addictive behavior is a quest for true intimacy.

Intimacy will not be found ever solely in an act.

Intimacy is pure, honest, loving and without selfish motives.

Fullfilment comes in a union of peace, love and unity.

Many pursue the next act to try and restore intimacy and unity.

Intimacy is found in a full relationship before the act, during the act and after the act.

All the talk on this thread about this act, that act, these facts, those facts only avoid the relationship that should exist outside the act.

Move away from the act and look at the motive.

If there is true beauty or poetry in tendor intimacy.

It will not intimidate, frustrate, or denigrate it will illuminate and elevate.

She is not an object to be pandered at my will.

She is the desire of heart, before she is the desire of my desires.

We all have a love story, many have just forgotten that their are 2 characters in the story.

I am calling my pastor tomorrow and telling him he needs to hire you for all premarital counseling!

WOW! Another excellent post, Neck. So many good lines in this one post! I'm particularly drawn to the last sentence I put in bold print. Too many have strayed from the desire of heart and pursued selfish desires.