Rejection

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by Aquila

This seems like an issue that's facing more single Christian and Apostolic men than we might realize.

Would it be wrong for an Apostolic brother to get some game?

You know... learn how to break the ice, flirt, use humour, tease, and understand how to provoke various emotional responses in women?

In the animal kingdom, men are often the most colorful and flamboyant. They have their song, their dance, and their brilliantly colored feathers. I know single guys who can't score a date that are great guys. But I've talked to girls who turned them down and I hear, "He's really nice. But he's really plain.", or, "He's really nice, but I don't think he's my type.", or, "He's really nice... but really... who is he?", or this one, "He's really nice...but he dresses like my dad." LOL Lastly, this one, "I really think he's neat... but he's too nice." (Read insecure and seemingly co-dependent, begging for a date).

Guys, if she feels you're begging for a date... she's most likely turn you down, at least on the first attempt. Why? Because if you appear to beg... you just sent a subconscious signal that she's worthy of someone better than YOU (negative social value). Is there any surprise that the first attempt fails miserably? But too many of us guys don't pick up on something this subtle. Even the women who receive this subtle message don't realize this is what's happening until it's discussed some time later.

These great friends of mine who go dateless are... well... BORING. Or at least they are perceived as being boring. They have no song to sing, no dance to dance, no feathers to ruffle. Is there an art to being a charming, confident, funny, and interesting man? A man who can give a woman the impression that his asking her out on a date isn't him begging or pleading for a chance... but rather... him extending the honor of inviting her to spend some time with him?

There's a reason why I'm asking...

Thoughts?

I think you totally nailed it, Aquila. A man not displaying a natural confidence (and the fake kind won't work on the women that matter) has no chance here. Matt, if you review your past...conquests, to use shorthand, you'll see that those women were attracted to you because of your demeanor here. You can attract a mommy-type the other way, but is that what you want?

Being a bit less "available" is naturally intriguing to anyone, and happens best by accident, you being engaged so fully in some kind of creation that you just didn't notice her sexually, really...generalizing, this concept translates into a lack of that "hungry" look that attractive women are so used to, and its complete absence from your face makes them wonder if their makeup is alright or something, lol, again using shorthand, but this is what you're going for as a man.

I always used to wonder how some short, dumpy broke guys got some of their dates, lol...this is how.

Ps, be careful what you wish for.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Except for our very first meeting, which was a miracle in and of itself, most things I did and said were very calculated. LOL

See... that's my point! LOL

Most of the men I know didn't leave anything to "chance". They had a strategy, actions calculated, a... game. They knew they were in love with this woman... but she didn't even notice them. So they went to "war". Many guys have "game" naturally. They are just the kind of guys that make you sick. They just know how to do their hair, dress, stand, tease, and use humour. And lets face it... they are charming and it's hard to hate them. That's why so many of us do. Then there are the guys who have to really look deep inside themselves and FIND their game and develop it. Then there are those who don't know what "game" is and they don't care... they think someday their ship will just come in as they sit in front of the computer getting fat, wearing outdated slacks and over sized shirts, with Cheetoe stains all over the front of it.

And I'll tell you from experience... even married guys need game. Of course, they should WOW their wives. After being married for several years... you could have her fall in love with you all over again if you do it right. Too many husbands have discovered that neglecting their persona in this area has cost them their wives to a guy who had game. Really not cool. Trust me.

If you're going to hunt for a deer... there's a method. If you're looking for something far, far, more precious than a deer... like the woman you will spend the rest of your life with... doesn't make sense that there is a method to getting to know women and peaking their interest?

[Amanah]

Ask the director of the Singles Ministry to organize an Apostolic speed dating outting for all the single church people within a 50 mile radius of the church.

Keep an open mind, make female friends based on common interests vs visual appeal and see if any of the friendships blossom into something more.

Invite women with potential to church and wait to see if any of them get saved.

[The Matt]

Originally Posted by Amanah

Ask the director of the Singles Ministry to organize an Apostolic speed dating outting for all the single church people within a 50 mile radius of the church.

Keep an open mind, make female friends based on common interests vs visual appeal and see if any of the friendships blossom into something more.

Invite women with potential to church and wait to see if any of them get saved.

Singles Ministry=Young People Ministry. I'm "too old" to marry. They concentrate on the younger.

[Amanah]

My sister is in her 40s, she never found the right guy in church, ended up falling in love with some guy at work who liked her as a friend and so she has (as of yet) never married.

Her standards were always very very high, the guy had to be:

• close to her age
• a college graduate
• not a product of the prison ministry or street ministry
• not someone who ever did drugs, drank, or smoked
• had to be a virgin, like her
• had to be someone in church
• but not someone in church who was domineering
• would prefer the person to resemble Donny Osmond

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by Amanah

My sister is in her 40s, she never found the right guy in church, ended up falling in love with some guy at work who liked her as a friend and so she has (as of yet) never married.

Her standards were always very very high, the guy had to be:

• close to her age
• a college graduate
• not a product of the prison ministry or street ministry
• not someone who ever did drugs, drank, or smoked
• had to be a virgin, like her
• had to be someone in church
• but not someone in church who was domineering
• would prefer the person to resemble Donny Osmond

So is this him?

[houston]

--->CLICK HERE<---

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Amanah

My sister is in her 40s, she never found the right guy in church, ended up falling in love with some guy at work who liked her as a friend and so she has (as of yet) never married.

Her standards were always very very high, the guy had to be:

• close to her age
• a college graduate
• not a product of the prison ministry or street ministry
• not someone who ever did drugs, drank, or smoked
• had to be a virgin, like her
• had to be someone in church
• but not someone in church who was domineering
• would prefer the person to resemble Donny Osmond

This post is a perfect example. Most women have various criteria like these. Most fall in love and marry men who get past these criteria, that serve as barriers. You always hear it, "He really wasn't my type but...", or her friends and family become bewildered because she's taking about some guy who doesn't fit the criteria.

Guys need to understand how to get past these defenses, get a woman's attention, and allow a her to get to know him. If he is at least a halfway descent guy, he's going to be more appealing than a amorphus dream boy who will most likely never materialize.

[Titus2woman]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

Oh, I have plenty of thoughts on this! Even though I am happily married, it is still important to 'act out' all the flirtatious behavior that we engaged in while still dating (only with each other of course).

I've tweaked T2W a bit on this issue and do not believe that something being sexually suggestive is necessarily bad. Nor do I believe that a woman's appearance is solely for the purpose of making/feeding babies.

Don't misunderstand me... Breasts have plenty of great uses before and after babies... My 'baby' is 28 years old and my boobs are still serving good purpose

It is probably MORE important for marrieds to have 'game'. Someone you do not live with is naturally interesting, always clean and on best behaviour, etc. It's a lot harder to dig up those grovin' moves for someone you have helped to the bathroom after surgery, seen deliver a baby, washed their dirty underwear, fought with over money and kids... blah, blah. But it CAN be done... and a great time to practice is in your dating life when there is really no pressure. If something doesn't jive you can just go home... once you are married if something doesn't jive you will have to lock yourself in the bathroom to get away .

My husband is not tall... I had always dated tall men, I'm tall myself and never thought I could feel feminine with a man under 6ft. But there was something about Don that just said he could get the job done... and he has for almost 30 years. Looking back and trying to decide what that was... well... confidence, humor, decency... but more than anything he was himself... no put on... and that is the best 'game' of all.

[bbyrd009]

Originally Posted by houston

--->CLICK HERE<---

My best friend met his current beau on a site like this, and is quite happy.