19,
So I have been through this too. I left my UPCI, church a while ago. Now I am back, but there were reasons why I left. When I left my wife chose not to follow me. She and my daughter stayed. Much to my surprise most of it was brought on by one of my in-laws. There was many issues that led to me leaving and eventually it came to if I wanted to stay married then I would have to come back. So I did. Since I came back things have gotten it a ton better. Even since I went back my family that used to be Ultra Con has liberated up a little. Thing that were happening at my church have gone away and things have gotten much better. I am happy where I am. That is not all that common. I really loved the church I was going to when I left.
The reason I said this is that even family at times is willing to cut you to the bone because they are hurt too. Things that were said can't be taken back and they still sting too. But time marches on. I just keep going. If I had stayed at the other church things might have still worked out but I wasn't willing to take that chance. Your situation is different since you and your wife seem to be on the same page. Just know that even though it hurts what people say and do like Steinway said they are doing this out of hurt. Once some time passes and they see that you are the same people and even happier then they will prbably come around. I actually got to the point where I told my family that the things they had said hurt me and they changed. It hurt them that it hurt me. So perhaps telling them the damage they are causing to you will open their eyes to what they are doing. Truth is that if they are true friends they will listen and if you are true friends to them then you should feel obligated to talk to them. Just some thoughts.
Keep on Keeping on.
Totally relate with your experience. Almost too well.
Its just sad to me..
I havent changed one thing about myself or said one harsh word about them, I just visited a church and it got out I am thinking about leaving. What will happen if I ever do leave. Also its sad because I think what if this happens to someone who cant handle the bashing..what will become of them.
Time works wonders, 192281. Ferd is right--you have to expect some measure of shock and dismay on their part. Especially if you've taught them the same things you may now be giving up.
Instead of dwelling on negative reactions, go out of your way to maintain positive relationships.
I know that if one of my friends left to go to another church, it wouldn't feel good to me. Even if I agreed with their reasons, it would still be upsetting. If I didn't agree with their reasons and felt they were on the wrong track, it would be devastating. So try not to take things so personally--and just be polite.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
Amazing. So plan your feelings in advance... Be careful which brother here you decide to tell. They will give you a crotch kick and tell you to man up, that is, if they even believe you.
Amazing. So plan your feelings in advance... Be careful which brother here you decide to tell. They will give you a crotch kick and tell you to man up, that is, if they even believe you.
Feelings are involuntary--but you can plan your reaction in advance.
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
Time works wonders, 192281. Ferd is right--you have to expect some measure of shock and dismay on their part. Especially if you've taught them the same things you may now be giving up.
Instead of dwelling on negative reactions, go out of your way to maintain positive relationships.
I know that if one of my friends left to go to another church, it wouldn't feel good to me. Even if I agreed with their reasons, it would still be upsetting. If I didn't agree with their reasons and felt they were on the wrong track, it would be devastating. So try not to take things so personally--and just be polite.
Good advice.
I love how we all want to tell people the fix though, instead of relating to their pain. I've been through this. I WAS a primary leader. I "knew." But I didn't really. I didn't realize how ugly the whole ordeal could be. I got plenty of crotch kicks by people like Ferd. Insensitive, skeptical remarks. For some reason, I had to have a full jury to explain my situation. It was ALL MY FAULT. I was given good advice on how to go forward, and I had to be reminded from time to time, because the pain of the situation was sometimes overwhelming. God had to remind me I wasn't alone. Everyone was so defensive for this church. Even those who were trying to help, there was always some slant and inquisition about things.
I just find it outrageous to start off a response to this brother with "You are silly. I don't believe you. Man up."
Ok I have never taught the standards to anyone! I teach children and that is up to the pastor and parents not me.
Now on to the original post.
I did not come on here for a pat ont he back or comfort, I came to vent a bit. I would never cause problems with my church so when people email me or call me I thank them for their concern and let it go....This mornign was rough and I had someone telling me that If I leave I am unusable by God and it got to me so I came on here to vent..thats it!
Ferd,mizpeh,jfrog,the legalist..Im fine and I understand what you are saying but PLEASE listen once more...Its not the fact thay they are upset or conerned that is shocking or hurtful but its how they are going about it that. No matter how MANNED up I am...speaking negatively about a member of your church, slamming them at the table after dinner, emailing them and advising them they are on a train to hell is not the CORRECT way to handle their shock and hurt that Im leaving. Its ok to pray for me and my family, thats great and appreciated but keep it at that...
They may truly believe you are on a train to hell by dropping standards. You understand that, right?
__________________
His banner over me is LOVE.... My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
To be a servant of God, it will cost us our total commitment to God, and God alone. His burden must be our burden... Sis Alvear
19,
So I have been through this too. I left my UPCI, church a while ago. Now I am back, but there were reasons why I left. When I left my wife chose not to follow me. She and my daughter stayed. Much to my surprise most of it was brought on by one of my in-laws. There was many issues that led to me leaving and eventually it came to if I wanted to stay married then I would have to come back. So I did. Since I came back things have gotten it a ton better. Even since I went back my family that used to be Ultra Con has liberated up a little. Thing that were happening at my church have gone away and things have gotten much better. I am happy where I am. That is not all that common. I really loved the church I was going to when I left.
The reason I said this is that even family at times is willing to cut you to the bone because they are hurt too. Things that were said can't be taken back and they still sting too. But time marches on. I just keep going. If I had stayed at the other church things might have still worked out but I wasn't willing to take that chance. Your situation is different since you and your wife seem to be on the same page. Just know that even though it hurts what people say and do like Steinway said they are doing this out of hurt. Once some time passes and they see that you are the same people and even happier then they will prbably come around. I actually got to the point where I told my family that the things they had said hurt me and they changed. It hurt them that it hurt me. So perhaps telling them the damage they are causing to you will open their eyes to what they are doing. Truth is that if they are true friends they will listen and if you are true friends to them then you should feel obligated to talk to them. Just some thoughts.
Keep on Keeping on.
I know you have gone through some of this already here, but you are most certainly a better man than me -and more forgiving, because I would have already severed just about any relationship with any in-laws (or even my own immediate family had they done the same) for interfering with my marriage like you have implied they did. Granted you have given no specifics (and don't expect you to), so there is probably quite a bit of extenuating circumstances we don't know about but still.....
My soul followeth hard after thee....Love one another with a pure heart fervently. 
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