What has been the most difficult for me is that I had already let some things go that happened with one pastor, only to have other things happen with another pastor. When you finally get to that point of being able to trust again, just to have something else happen, it has to be one of the most discouraging things someone can face. At least it has been for me.
Rico, I can empathize with you.......I learned long ago NOT to put my trust in people. The only one you can truly trust is Jesus Christ. HE won't fail you. People will - everytime.
Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help.
Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means.
This is well put .... and true.
__________________ Smiles & Blessings.... ~Felicity Welsh~ (surname courtesy of Jim Yohe)
Rico, I can empathize with you.......I learned long ago NOT to put my trust in people. The only one you can truly trust is Jesus Christ. HE won't fail you. People will - everytime.
Uh yeah, but when you tell people you don't trust pastors anymore then ya get labeled a preacher hater. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I'm sick of the whole thing and even wanting to have a church to go to. It's not worth all the effort to care anymore.
If your arm gets cut off are you going to just ignore it and move on? Think about what you are saying here, Bro. Epley. When you give someone your trust, not just ordinary trust, but a deeper spiritual kind of trust, and they abuse that trust, don't tell me you can just brush it off and get over it. If you can then I seriously doubt that you ever gave that person any real trust to begin with.
Only the God of Heaven and my dear wife knows how bad we were wounded out of a good size church only a handful survived. Our trust was violated in every way possible. We felt like the man who went down from Jerico and fell among theives and was wounded and left for dead. BUT the Good Samariatan came by BORE us up poured wine and oil in our wounds and took us to the inn and paid the bills. Now am I going to focus on the thieves who would have destroyed me or the Good Samaritan that salvaged me??? The choice is mine I choose NOT to be bitter. I see this person ever now and then and I do NOT hate him and am not bitter. Most folks who were there are very bitter broken and sad to say LOST people that now the wounds they got over 30 years ago have never healed because the hurt became their best friend and security blanket and yes their excuse. I have been there and didn't buy the T shirt. Go on wallow in your misery and eat your tums and drink your mallox and have your strokes and heart conditions and live in depression and take your drugs. I chose NOT to allow this hurt to be terminal.
What has been the most difficult for me is that I had already let some things go that happened with one pastor, only to have other things happen with another pastor. When you finally get to that point of being able to trust again, just to have something else happen, it has to be one of the most discouraging things someone can face. At least it has been for me.
Figure the ratio one pastor a 100 saints how many times do you think the pastor and his family gets abused it does not take a mathematicean to figure that out. But have been hurt by church folks that tore my heart out and never gave a backward glance. I refuse to eat this stuff everyday. I have good saints who need me to have faith in them I can't allow myself to wallow in misery and distrust. Y'all do what y'all want to do I have peace and love and enjoy life and the church I pastor.
Elder Epley anybody that ministers gets dumped on sometimes it goes with the territory, you learn to live with in.
People with thin skins won't make it in the ministry.
__________________
People who are always looking for fault,can find it easily all they have to do,is look into their mirror.
There they can find plenty of fault.
Only the God of Heaven and my dear wife knows how bad we were wounded out of a good size church only a handful survived. Our trust was violated in every way possible. We felt like the man who went down from Jerico and fell among theives and was wounded and left for dead. BUT the Good Samariatan came by BORE us up poured wine and oil in our wounds and took us to the inn and paid the bills. Now am I going to focus on the thieves who would have destroyed me or the Good Samaritan that salvaged me??? The choice is mine I choose NOT to be bitter. I see this person ever now and then and I do NOT hate him and am not bitter. Most folks who were there are very bitter broken and sad to say LOST people that now the wounds they got over 30 years ago have never healed because the hurt became their best friend and security blanket and yes their excuse. I have been there and didn't buy the T shirt. Go on wallow in your misery and eat your tums and drink your mallox and have your strokes and heart conditions and live in depression and take your drugs. I chose NOT to allow this hurt to be terminal.
This is all fine and dandy, Bro Epley, but you said yourself it took you years to get over what happened. One would think that, having gone through it yourself, you wouldn't seem to be so calloused towards others that have been hurt as well. Your approach is to tell people to just get over it, but just getting over it took you years to accomplish. Do as you say and not as you do, or did?
Figure the ratio one pastor a 100 saints how many times do you think the pastor and his family gets abused it does not take a mathematicean to figure that out. But have been hurt by church folks that tore my heart out and never gave a backward glance. I refuse to eat this stuff everyday. I have good saints who need me to have faith in them I can't allow myself to wallow in misery and distrust. Y'all do what y'all want to do I have peace and love and enjoy life and the church I pastor.
In other words, you don't let anyone get close enough to hurt you. That has to be where you are and that's fine. I don't have 100 pastors to worry about taking advantage of my trust, so I can not look at it the same way you do.
Bro. Epley, I agree that the abuse works both ways and I have experienced it both ways. Rico, please go read my post in the survivor or victim thread. I pray that it will help you. You can't give up on God, Rico, and actually you can't give up on people either. God hasn't given up on me OR you.
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