I am engaged to the most amazing girl in the world. I will be getting married in 10 months. We have been engaged for 4 months.
It's a long distance relationship.
OK, well I fly from San Antonio to El Paso every 3 weeks, but now we have decided to push it back to every 6 weeks to save for the wedding.
Well you guys won't imagine at what I'm jealous about. It is something so petty that its embarrassing to even explain, but I cant help to get these feelings. SO i figured I would ask.
My Fiance's little sister recently got a boyfriend, and so he has been spending more time at my fiance's house, Ex. Dinner, coffee, lounging and talking.... and I get Jealous of 2 things...
1. The fact that the little sister gets to spend more time with her Boyfriend than we do.
2. That my fiance's mom will grow more attached to him than to me because he will eventually spend more time there than I do...
so it really bugs me when i hear that he is over- I DONT KNOW WHY! I wish I could be ok with it!
I don't know why this bugs me. I don't even know if this is normal. any advice anyone?
Feelings are involuntary and jealousy is a feeling. It isn't wrong to HAVE a feeling; it's what you do with the feeling that counts. In this case, do nothing to show or share that you're jealous. Instead, be pleasant, and don't share your temporary insanity with your fiancee. You're just missing her, and going crazy in the process. Console yourself by sending her cute, hand-written postcards in the mail (girls love stuff like that), and even better; send her Mom a thank-you card for raising such an amazing daughter. You'll get bonus points the little sister's boyfriend won't be able to figure out.
Anyway, it'll pass. You'll be married soon, right? And then you'll only have to share her with her family on holidays, birthdays, etc. (Which you'll do gracefully, of course.)
__________________
"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
1) keep in mind that this is only little sister's new boyfriend. They aren't engaged or married yet.
2) you chose to have a long distance relationship, and hopefully you think it's well worth it. Remind yourself when you start getting jealous that your fiance is well worth this time.
3) If you have serious issues with someone else being closer to your future mother in law than you, you'd better either get over it, rethink your engagement or move closer to MIL. I have family that battled that for years. It stinks. For your fiance and future kids' sake, please get over it. If your MIL is worth knowing, she won't grow more attached to one son in law than another, unless you distance yourself through jealousy. And there are other ways to stay close--Skype, telephone, snail mail, e-mail, pictures, Facebook, trips, etc.
You are probably frustrated that you aren't getting to spend as much time with your fiance as you'd like, a bit dazed by the upcoming wedding, and maybe struggling just a little with a 14 month engagement. Also, if you really enjoy her family, you might just feel like you're missing out. Cut yourself some slack, remind yourself that you can't have everything but what you have is the best of wonderful, and also please pray and work on reducing jealousy by reminding yourself of the positives. Also, you might want to start thinking of ways to change your concern about being close to the MIL... maybe even a MIL "date" once or twice, either with your fiance or, with her permission, just to take time to get to know the MIL and develop that closeness.
__________________
What we make of the Bible will never be as great a thing as what the Bible will - if we let it - make of us.~Rich Mullins
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.~Galileo Galilei
Last edited by missourimary; 12-03-2010 at 12:21 AM.
send her Mom a thank-you card for raising such an amazing daughter. You'll get bonus points the little sister's boyfriend won't be able to figure out.
WOW! what an Awesome Idea... THANK YO SO MUCH!
And you are right... I am missing her...
Quote:
Originally Posted by missourimary
You are probably frustrated that you aren't getting to spend as much time with your fiance as you'd like, a bit dazed by the upcoming wedding, and maybe struggling just a little with a 14 month engagement. Also, if you really enjoy her family, you might just feel like you're missing out.
Yes I do enjoy her family and you are ABSOLUTELY right- I am feeling like I am missing out. Thank you for the advice on the MIL and fiance date! you both totally hit the nail on the head!...
I knew I would get better advice from fellow Brothers and Sisters, rather than co-workers and friends... I love you both already! God BLESS!
Perhaps, you are more envious than jealous. Jealousy can destroy a relationship, so let God work on that if you truly are jealous.
I agree with the ideas that have already been posted - it's the little things that count.
One thing to consider also about a long distance relationship is you have to work harder at communicating which is a HUGE thing in a relationship. Just going to the MIL's house and "hanging out" isn't really communicating - it's just being there. So, make the most of all the times you do have there, but find all the expectional ways to "communicate" with your fiance and her mom when you aren't there.
Your bond could be even stronger because you are having to work harder!
You look like a beautiful couple!
__________________
Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
On the heels of Bratti said, Post cards are a fabulous, or flowers. She will tell mom and sister every time she gets one and for a mother, there is no better feeling than knowing your daughter (or son) is happy. You will endear Mom by treating the heart of her daughter with all of the care that it deserves.
In my case this kind of backfired, I have spent so much time talking about how wonderful my guy is, that if anything ever happened to my marriage Mom would would dump me and keep her "son" instead!!
__________________
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
"You will be hated for my sake-Just remember that it should be for MY sake and not YOURS-
Do NOT act in such a way as to be offensive, and then blame it on me"
I am engaged to the most amazing girl in the world. I will be getting married in 10 months. We have been engaged for 4 months.
It's a long distance relationship.
OK, well I fly from San Antonio to El Paso every 3 weeks, but now we have decided to push it back to every 6 weeks to save for the wedding.
Well you guys won't imagine at what I'm jealous about. It is something so petty that its embarrassing to even explain, but I cant help to get these feelings. SO i figured I would ask.
My Fiance's little sister recently got a boyfriend, and so he has been spending more time at my fiance's house, Ex. Dinner, coffee, lounging and talking.... and I get Jealous of 2 things...
1. The fact that the little sister gets to spend more time with her Boyfriend than we do.
2. That my fiance's mom will grow more attached to him than to me because he will eventually spend more time there than I do...
so it really bugs me when i hear that he is over- I DONT KNOW WHY! I wish I could be ok with it!
I don't know why this bugs me. I don't even know if this is normal. any advice anyone?
Is it jealousy or is it just envy?
I think it's great that you are being practical and responsible by not starting a marriage in debt. That's to be applauded. It's also normal to long to be with your fiancee and her family -- and even would be exacerbated if her sister and boyfriend are there frequently.
To the point of jealousy, we need to open the heart a bit:
1) Why are you feeling you must have your mother-in-law's preferred affection?
2) What are you believing/not believing about God in this situation given the following truths about God:
1. God is great – so we don’t have to be in control
2. God is glorious – so we don’t have to fear others
3. God is good – so we don’t have to look elsewhere
4. God is gracious – so we don’t have to prove ourselves
Your emotions are real and true and a testament almost to your love of your bride-to-be and her family. But it also reveals some things (maybe) in your heart that can be an opportunity to grow in your believing in Him. Take comfort that you don't have to prove yourself or be in control, for example. You are doing what is a wise thing with your money (possibly), understand and connect that your diligence in this area is compatible with a dozen coffee chats.
Finally, engagements and dating are expensive... you will pay the piper and love every moment of it. Have fun!
Taking advantage of those trips when you're there, and making them special is a great way to enjoy their company. Staying in touch through postcards, letter, ichat/computer chat and even video records of your 'hellos' and spontaneity. Music Videos sometimes can say a whole message for you as well. Random "this reminded me of you"s are special.
Lastly, 'tis the season for romance. Lucky you!
. I will be getting married in 10 months. We have been engaged for 4 months. 
Console yourself by sending her cute, hand-written postcards in the mail (girls love stuff like that), and even better; send her Mom a thank-you card for raising such an amazing daughter. You'll get bonus points the little sister's boyfriend won't be able to figure out.
(Which you'll do gracefully, of course.)
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