Bullies and bullying- how close to home is it?

[Sasha]

Jordan was 15, a sophomore in high school. He was a good student with good grades. He lived with his mother and was the youngest of three children. His father was involved in his life and he was a Christian.

Thursday, he took a shotgun and ended his life.

Bullying. His note said he couldn't take it any more.

This tragic story reminded me of when I was young and how I was bullied all throughout school. I remember the anger I felt as a young child that turned to hatred as a teen. Although I never followed through, I often wanted my life to end. But I wanted people to be hurt by my death, which I didn't believe would happen since I felt that everyone hated me.

I never had a good family support system. My parents were divorced and my father didn't see us much. My mom worked and often left us in the care of those who abused us. We couldn't tell because my mom was the kind that believed children always lied and those in charge knew that.

I was never one to belittle others since I was always done that way. As an adult, of course, I know better and my life is a good one.

I have taught my children to never belittle others and never be friends with those who do. I also taught them that they may face children who are mean and hurtful but not to take offense, as they are often taught by their parents on how to treat others.

My oldest daughter was overweight her whole life. I knew she faced a cruel world but let her know she was lovely no matter what, and those who judged her were the ones missing out. She never complained about being made fun of but would comment at times about the stupid boys that might say something to her. But she never let anything get to her.

All of my children are kind hearted to others, and we often speak about how our treatment of others can often lead to a happenstance we might be responsible for. We would never want to be responsible for someone doing harm to themselves when we could have prevented it.

Don't allow your children to bully others. Teach them to understand that someday, they will be your age with their own children to deal with and may face what happens to their own children what they might have done to others as a child.

In addition, be supportive of your children. Let them know how important they are as individuals, and that school is a learning process that goes beyond reading, writing, and arithmetic. It's also learning how to deal with life. People are cruel even as adults, and there will always be those who are less than desirable to be around. We have to learn how to face it.

We are not who we are because of the friends we had or how popular we were in school. Teach self-worth in the home and that regardless of who your friends are now, chances are, once they are adults and time moves on, those kids will no longer be important and in most cases, they will never see them again.

I don't know why Jordan felt that his life was so worthless that ending it was better than facing it, but the children responsible will one day come to their senses and realize the horror of their actions. "If only I had been his friend..." What a horrible thought.

Hug your children. Let them know their life is meaningful and they will be successful individuals with so much to offer others who need them. Ending one's life is never the answer.

And don't be a bully.

[RandyWayne]

I don't know why Jordan felt that his life was so worthless that ending it was better than facing it, but the children responsible will one day come to their senses and realize the horror of their actions. "If only I had been his friend..." What a horrible thought.

I dunno. No doubt SOME are sorry for things they did in the past but in my experience, most just laugh it off since they were actually having FUN at the time. Of course I'm talking about kids who bullied others who DIDN'T end up killing themselves.

I've thought about a scenario where someone would offer me special "gifts" AND the ability to go back in time 30 years, if I would do it. Life is good now but I can imagine the massive satisfaction of going all all Carrie on about 1/4 of my school. Shoot, the analogy goes even further in that my own folks were very close to Carrie's crazy religion-obsessed mother having bought into the pastor-centric-hero-worship of the UPC at the time. (My folks are NOT like that now nor have they been for a very long time, but just like my comment above about most bullies not being truly sorry for things they've done, my folks don't have a CLUE about how my current view on religion was shaped by them.)

[RandyWayne]

More news from this particular piece of trailer trash.

http://video.foxnews.com/v/275519113...eo+-+Latest%29

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I dunno. No doubt SOME are sorry for things they did in the past but in my experience, most just laugh it off since they were actually having FUN at the time. Of course I'm talking about kids who bullied others who DIDN'T end up killing themselves.

I've thought about a scenario where someone would offer me special "gifts" AND the ability to go back in time 30 years, if I would do it. Life is good now but I can imagine the massive satisfaction of going all all Carrie on about 1/4 of my school. Shoot, the analogy goes even further in that my own folks were very close to Carrie's crazy religion-obsessed mother having bought into the pastor-centric-hero-worship of the UPC at the time. (My folks are NOT like that now nor have they been for a very long time, but just like my comment above about most bullies not being truly sorry for things they've done, my folks don't have a CLUE about how my current view on religion was shaped by them.)

Randy, my life was so bad that if I went through today what I went through then, I would be one of the kids taking a gun and shooting up an entire school then taking my own life. If being bullied by kids wasn't bad enough, it was adults who would tell me to quit acting like a baby, or state that I wasn't being hurt because I was bigger than those kids.

With all I went through, I learned that having friends wasn't a great idea, and confiding in adults was a bad decision as well. New kids would come along and we would get along but as soon as they got word that I was somehow poisonous, they would turn on me. Adults from the librarian to the bus driver would tell me to quit being a crybaby and act my age.

It was common for me to have bruises on my legs from kids kicking me. I could only sit there and do nothing. My mom told me if I ever fought back, she'd whip me really good. I believed her. She beat me all the time as it was.

There were nicer kids who didn't bully me, but I remember them telling me they couldn't be my friend because if they were, they wouldn't have friends.

Because of Facebook, I have been in contact with some of my childhood tormentors. One of them was a girl who absolutely hated my guts in 6th grade and the look on her face was of disgust any time she looked at me. Her mother and I were friends, but that wasn't passed on to us. LOL! Her contacted me about a year ago on Facebook and she's turned into a pretty nice gal.

Another girl who tormented me in junior high to the point where my mother called the cops and filed a complaint for assault contacted me. She is a sweet girl who has a hard life. I did ask her about the past and she was shocked and said she didn't remember me much at all, let alone the hurt she caused. She apologized and said her life was hard as well, and she was the target of bullying also. I can believe that looking back.

It also didn't help that I was raised UPC either. I was a freak in my own eyes.

[n david]

Bullying has always been around. I was a geeky, skinny PK and had no friends in the church. I hated going to private school because I was constantly bullied and picked on. The Principal was also the PE and shop class teacher. He'd stand by and laugh as the several guys would hold me down and pound on my arms and legs, giving me "charlie horses." I'd be locked in closets or lockers for 30 min to an hour at a time, shoved when walking down stairs, had numerous wedgies and times when they tried shoving my head in the toilet.

Yet I never entertained the idea of suicide or revenge. It was just a different time. Kids weren't so coddled and soft back then.

Bullying is an issue, but IMO it's been way overblown the past couple years.

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by n david

Bullying has always been around. I was a geeky, skinny PK and had no friends in the church. I hated going to private school because I was constantly bullied and picked on. The Principal was also the PE and shop class teacher. He'd stand by and laugh as the several guys would hold me down and pound on my arms and legs, giving me "charlie horses." I'd be locked in closets or lockers, shoved when walking down stairs, had numerous wedgies and times when they tried shoving my head in the toilet.

Yet I never entertained the idea of suicide or revenge. It was just a different time. Kids weren't so coddled and soft back then.

Bullying is an issue, but IMO it's been way overblown the past couple years.

Understand that the bullying of today is NOTHING like it was when we were kids. It's much more harsh and cruel.

[RandyWayne]

Originally Posted by n david

Bullying has always been around. I was a geeky, skinny PK and had no friends in the church. I hated going to private school because I was constantly bullied and picked on. The Principal was also the PE and shop class teacher. He'd stand by and laugh as the several guys would hold me down and pound on my arms and legs, giving me "charlie horses." I'd be locked in closets or lockers for 30 min to an hour at a time, shoved when walking down stairs, had numerous wedgies and times when they tried shoving my head in the toilet.

Yet I never entertained the idea of suicide or revenge. It was just a different time. Kids weren't so coddled and soft back then.

Bullying is an issue, but IMO it's been way overblown the past couple years.

Well, this WAS "back then" when I certainly wasn't "coddled". In fact there was NOTHING that couldn't be solved by a good "prayin through!" at the alter during one of the never ending, non-stop, ever lasting, eternal feeling church services. That is what I was told anyways.

[n david]

Originally Posted by Sasha

Understand that the bullying of today is NOTHING like it was when we were kids. It's much more harsh and cruel.

Sorry, I don't buy it.

The only thing that's changed is instead of girls passing notes in class about another girl, they do it on Facebook. Girls and boys have always been meat to kids who are fat, ugly, wear glasses, etc. That hasn't changed.

Sure, there may be one or two really bad stories, but for the majority...it's the same type of abuse, just a different decade. And kids are more mentally soft than previous decades. Everything which may hurt them is being taken away, like that stupid school that banned any game with a ball, playing tag and doing flips. Kids are so coddled and protected now, that the slightest thing sends them over the edge.

[Sasha]

Originally Posted by n david

Sorry, I don't buy it.

The only thing that's changed is instead of girls passing notes in class about another girl, they do it on Facebook. Girls and boys have always been meat to kids who are fat, ugly, wear glasses, etc. That hasn't changed.

Sure, there may be one or two really bad stories, but for the majority...it's the same type of abuse, just a different decade. And kids are more mentally soft than previous decades. Everything which may hurt them is being taken away, like that stupid school that banned any game with a ball, playing tag and doing flips. Kids are so coddled and protected now, that the slightest thing sends them over the edge.

You don't have to buy it, but it doesn't mean it's not happening. At least when I went home, my tormentors weren't around. Today, it's constant, and we often hear stories where parents are also involved when someone commits suicide over bullying....something unheard of when I was a kid.

As for your last couple statements, I agree, but in some ways, there is a reason. For instance, kids can't pretend to shoot each other or stab each other. While there is a part of me that deems that as silly, it's really happening! Let's face it, telling someone 'do that one more time and I'll kill you' has a different meaning today than 30 yrs ago.

I hated dodge ball. The mean kids would whip it at my head and get me every time. I also hated softball. I was often hit in the head with it too. Jumprope was also a bad idea as kids would allow me to play, only to constantly trip me with it making me fall.

You can call it being soft now that some of these things have been banned but I, for one, would have liked it to have happened when I was a kid also. We expect kids to play nice but when they don't, it's not the fault of those who are harmed when those activities are taken away, neither should those harmed children be thought of in the light you are shedding on them.

It's only the grace of God that turned me into the person I am today. My mom was certain I was headed for women's prison because of the child and teen I was....maybe if someone had no thought of me as being coddled or too soft or too protected to take the torture I endured maybe things would have been different in a positive way.

The problem was, I wasn't coddled, soft, or protected at all. I was an angry, hateful child and teenager who prayed nightly for the death of people I knew, including my own mother.

Perhaps it's a good thing we didn't have a gun anywhere around...

Can I ask where you were raised?

[RandyWayne]

Tag kind of went out with Elementary school but I always LOVED Dodgeball. While I could throw better than nearly every girl who played, I wasn't as good as most of the guys -but I still loved playing.



"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!"