This was sent to me.... I don't want to offend anyone,... Just from an independents view...
YOU MIGHT BE INDEPENDENT IF...
you are considered a hero of the faith and you think your name belongs in
Hebrews 11 because you were born at home.
you trust God to heal everywhere but from the neck up.
if you argue that Luke was a chiropractor and not a real doctor
as a young preacher your greatest goal in life is to preach youth camp in Madisonville.
if a hairbow and hairspray are a test of fellowship.
if your newborn is wearing longsleeves in the middle of august.
if you warn your saints not to be enticed by worldly fashions at wal-mart.
if you think a side-part on a guy is trendy.
if you think 100 is a mega-church.
if you believe santa is the anti-christ
if you believe santa is code for satan.
if the men must shave their face, and the women can't shave their legs.
if Johnny Carroll has ever openly challenged you to a prayer duel.
if you think Jerry Rowley wrote "don't let the devil ride".
if you think Bro. Tingle's newspaper is more informative than the word aflame's entire collection.
if as an evangelist you don't mind paying tithe because you know your wife is going to get it and you can take it from her.
if you don't think you have had church unless you cause a $1000 damage to the building and land 3 people in ER.
if coffee and beer are both referred to in the same sermon entitled "The Evils of Strong Drink".
if you ever thought general conference was in madisonville, ky.
if you have ever preached that 70% of the internet is porn.
if you think you are obeying the "no internet in the home" standard because its in your shed.
YOU MIGHT BE ACI IF...
if your idea of evangelism is taking people from UPCI churches.
if you call independent's free-wheelers
your general conference only has 25 preachers.
YOU MIGHT BE WPF IF...
...you left the UPC because they advertise on tv and you live stream all your services on the internet.
YOU MIGHT BE UPCI...
if you think you are in harmony with the tv affirmation about no television in the home, but you have it in your church office.
if you listen to your presbyter more than your pastor.
if you call the organization "mamma".
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