Do you really know how to grow churches?

[Falla39]

Originally Posted by Rhoni

Sister Falla,

Where it would be questioned about the line between caring for others and being narcississtic would be when the caring for others is not about the others but the need for you to take care of someone else's business to the neglect of taking care of your own. A good evidence of this is found in the Bible when using the analogy of: one trying to judge another without first taking the beam out of his own eye.

Another way to check yourself is when the person you are trying to rescue or defend has little reason to be connected to you. I think many use the term 'friend' or 'relative' loosely. I have clients who tell me...this or that one is an aunt, uncle, brother, or sister only to find out...they are not related at all.

Using myself as an example: my co-dependent behavior is a product of being in an alcoholic family. I was the oldest of five children, I parented and was my Mom's best friend even though she was the parent. My father was an alcoholic and I was the family hero...always rescuing and trying to divert the attention from the dysfunction in our home. Trying to take care of everyone else's feelings, excuse their behavior and blame it on circumstance, and trying really hard not to focus on my own issues.

Like most good co-dependents...I refused to believe I had a problem. I had to join a group meeting for a counsleing project and chose ALANON. I was in my 40's so I didn't think I needed it, had gotten past all my issues...and in the first session within the first 5 minutes...I was exposed!

I still fight battles with co-dependency, but through the past few years have gotten better at the boundary thing and not accepting other people's problems as my own and worry over them or with them. Even writing all this down..I have seen how I contribute to the issues in regards to my son's wedding. Co-dependency has a way of creeping back into your life - just when you thought you had it whipped!

Hope this helps.

Blessings, Rhoni

Sis. Rhoni,

Thank you so much for this valuable information and also using

some of your own experiences to dialogue. I believe we can help

each other by exchanging information whether it be life's experiences

or by educational learning.

My late dad had a little motto hanging in his personal home office

which read "There are a lot of things we could all learn, if we were

not already convinced we knew it all". He felt he could learn as long

as he BELIEVED he COULD learn more. He would say about the time he

thought he had learned quite a bit about God, something would happen

and he would realize how little he knew about God!!! But one thing he

did know was that God is Great and Greatly to be Praised!! His eldest

daughter feels the same way!! I first learned it from my father, who

has now departed, so I just go directly to his FATHER and my FATHER.

NOTHING BETWEEN!!!

Again, thank you for the info I enquired about from you!! Love you,

Sister!

Blessings,

Falla39