Perhaps I should go back now and read through this thread. I'm sure there's diversity of opinion on this issue.
I was just thinking that certainly there are many pastors' wives (I know many) who are associate pastors in most nearly every sense of the word.
They work hard, sacrifice much, invest their lives in the work of God and have their own calling and anointing. The title is probably deserved in many cases even if it hasn't been bestowed or if they haven't been voted or appointed "officially" to that position.
One of my best friends who I'm spending much time with this week would be one of those who would "fit" the associate pastor role. She's fantastic and their ministry wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't for her.
Simple
as
that!