Help! What have I become?

[jmarkoa]

What am I now?

I've been a third generation oneness UPCI member since birth, baptized in the name of Jesus, spoke in other tongues, and walking toward a Godly life. My Bible reading has increased, my relationship with God has become stronger, and he is showing me things that are leading me into conflict with this organization of people.

I no longer think of "God birthing himself into a body" like my organization is now headed toward. Over the years, I've seen different understandings taught with a change from direct quotes of Bible scripture, to very different ideas I can no longer find in the Bible.

When I was younger, I was taught to have a "minds eye" vision of God as the classic picture of Jesus you might see hanging in any christian home. I was a "list" christian, I had my list of scriptures that showed my understanding of how God became a man, to die for my sins. I knew of only one God, not three persons that made up one God.

One night, I decided I was going to do a "Bible study search" to find the exact scripture that proclaimed what I had been taught and had been saying my entire life, that "Jesus IS God!" How naive I was! Instead, my Biblegateway search returned many scriptures showing God "IN" Jesus, not a single one with the exact quote I was saying!

This was a difficult night for me. After many questions, many tears, and rebuking any evil spirits that were trying to deceive me, I had my first "real" prayer to God asking for help and real truth. I promised I would let go of anything I had learned, or had been taught, if God would show me in His word real truth that can only come from an understanding from Him.

That was a tough, late, Saturday night. The next day at church, God did the miraculous just for me: a lesson called "allowing God to be the Father." The visiting teacher read the exact same scriptures in the EXACT SAME ORDER I had read them just a few hours earlier! God is amazing! That was many years ago, but I still cry every time I speak, or even now as I type, about how great a real relationship is with God! My journey has been a slow realization of how I no longer think about, read about, or talk about Jesus, or God in the same way my church does.

So, I have been trying to understand what everyone else calls me, and what group believes the same as me. I guess these are the defining beliefs I have:

1. God is One God. Not a GOD/Man. Not three persons or two natures. Just one eternal spirit that is not a man. He cannot die. He is not the creation, but rather the creator.

2. Jesus is God's Son. Not God as his own Son. A man. Not a God. He is created by God. Everything he has is given to Him by God. He will be the One we meet in the clouds, to forever be with Him. He will at that time have the government on his shoulders, and we will reign with him in his government. Those he rules over will call Him the Mighty God. He will put down all authority.

3. God is the spirit that descended and remained on Jesus as a dove.

4. Incarnation is not mentioned anywhere I can find.

Is there an organization of churches or men that believe these ideas? I still believe most all other ideas taught by oneness believers.

Thanks in advance for any helpful direction. I'm still looking for that "open door" that I trust will come when the time is right!