One thing

[Amanah]

Everything around me is so steeped in change. Things that most people, in or out of church thought were wrong are now so much a part of our culture that if we don't accept it, we are thought to be mentally disturbed. Am I really supposed to not only approve of but fund sex changes, and abortions?

I was in third grade when the president was shot and killed, and I can remember crying and mourning because the "most important man in America was dead." It seemed the greatest tragedy to me. But now I understand that presidencies are bought with money since the days of Rockefeller, Morgan, and Carnegie. Some presidencies were funded by crime organizations even. It may be that no one in the deep echelons of our political system is morally pure.

Even the heart and soul of my faith is being battered by winds of change. It was such a pure thing as a 5 year old child to talk to God when I was in distress and get a simple answer to prayer. I was an 11 year old when my Dad served in Vietnam. My mother drew closer to God at that time and we attended church. The first service, first altar call, I walked to the front, repented with tears at an old wooden bench and was filled with the Holy Ghost. A few years later, a street preacher invited me to the Pentecostal Lighthouse, and baptized me in Jesus name.

For years my faith was strong, my hands were raised, I walked in the Spirit with purpose and knew that God was directing my path. Life seemed pure, simple, and meaningful. I don’t know why all seems so complicated now. I’m troubled by the failures of so many who I looked up to. I’m disturbed by my own failures as well.

I mistrust government, religion, people in general. I feel dry, barren, abandoned and broken.

I watch everything and everyone around me with a sort of trepidation. I’ve lost so many things. I walk my dog down the country road near my house and wonder at the ground under my feet, the dew on the grass, the preciousness of everything in my sight. I know how transient, temporary, and fragile all is. My family and friends, home, and possessions are gifts for today. My tomorrows may bring untold pain.

My prayers are tears of pain mixed with songs of praise in my confusion at the brokenness I perceive to be all around me, but at my core is still an unshakeable belief that “my redeemer lives, and I will stand with him on that day.”

The world around me may shatter and break, but I know One who will never change. The way we perceive our world and our God may change. But He does not change. One thing have I desired of the Lord and that will I seek after . . .