Originally Posted by Jermyn Davidson
I am having a hard time trying to factor in "personal repsonsibility" in making serious, life altering decisions.
It really, really frustrates and annoy me when things continue to go bad when I have the personal power to stop the madness so to speak.
So when it looks bad, and when things go bad, I am the one responsible for my life and my life's decisions.
What about the God Factor? No one cares about the God Factor when it comes to my personal repsonsibilites.
When is He responsible and when is it ever acceptable to "place the responsibility for bad" on God?
Never! I know this in my head and in my heart. Yet I am frustrated.
I am supposed to live my life in a way that pleases Him-- including listening to and obeying the godly advice of people like my Pastor.
So I am struggling financially-- still don't see a clear end in sight, and I think I am going to go against the advice I was given and seek employment overseas.
Of course it does not sit well to think this, type this or say this.
No, I haven't spoke with him about this.
But I am tired.
Nothing is working out in a way where I can make financial progress.
I can make it paycheck to paycheck.
Maybe in a few months, I'll be able to start putting some towards paying off my nearly 50K in debts-- but if the current trends continue, there will be some other crisis. If not immediately, it will come sooner or later, something to deter my financial well being.
It will be much quicker for me to pay off my debts and move on with my life in a half a year then to be continued to be saddled with this for however how long it takes.
Who will pay my bills?
Did God step in and stop my foreclosure?
How about the other financial stuff that is on my record-- where is He?
How come no one wants to forgive me of my debts? I've already forgiven so many people, so many times, concerning so many issues. I have forgiven them.
Where is the guy that gives the advice to not do this or not do that?
Maybe he wants to pay me bills for me.
Why do I feel like my hands are tied?
I feel like I am just plain lost and that my efforts to seek God and a closer relationship with Him are not only vain, but costly-- which makes what I'm doing, or maybe the way I am going about doing what I'm doing stupid and foolish.
Like I know God cares and loves. He provides. He blesses. He lifts up.
But if He is Sovereign, He took my job away knowing that I would not be able to pay off my debts without it. He knew that a couple years later that I would be somewhere in Florida, wondering how I could have messed my life up financially so badly when it could have been different if He had just let me keep my job. He knew that when I would seek advice on going overseas, I would be advised against itm, thus setting up my life for more financial ruin and even legal issues-- all of which could have been avoided.
Honestly, I really know how I can fix this even now or how to have avoided all of this from the get go.
It just makes me so frustrated and angry!
My life is all my fault-- it's all my responsibility, but what about God?
Where is HE in this?
Nothing makes any sense and I am just tired of all the BS that could have been avoided!
The last couple of years have been utter lunacy! Pretty much, I have failed at life, and that miserably.
He's God. I'm man. He's my Creator-- who am I to demand anything of Him. I won't.
I will tell Him that I am tired and I am done with going in this direction.
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