Looking for some advice

Not Alone · #1 12-09-2009, 02:41 PM

I am coming to this forum with a question or situation that I need feedback on. I have been lurking around here for a while.

I know that I am going to get some responses that go like, “you shouldn’t be asking for advice from people you have never met on an internet forum”. I have nowhere else to turn. There are people here that have written things that I respect.

I have been Oneness Pentecostal all my life. My entire family is OP, deeply entrenched in the OP church. I am 100% sure that none of them will ever leave this culture.

I have been on a inner path for the last 10 to 15 years, trying to figure out what I really believe. This is not topic relating to “standards”, because that is such a small concern to me. I have come to realize that I do not really believe a lot of what the OP church teaches/preaches is really accurate or necessary. So this is not about justifying any change on those things.

My real concern is my discomfort at even accepting Christianity as totally valid. It is big leap of faith for me because I have to accept the Bible as the truth to do so. It is not that I have a problem with the Bible. It is that in all of the belief systems out there, accepting the Bible as the true word of the true God is only possible through blind faith. I don’t know that I have that anymore. I am not saying that I am ready to turn my back on Christianity, just that I wish I could openly discuss my issues .

I play the part, and follow the rules and have a fairly full life. But I feel like a fraud 75-80% of the time. If I were to come clean with my feelings and thoughts, I know my family would still love me. But it would devastate them and forever change our relationship. They would not be capable of understanding it. Devastating them would devastate me, and I am not sure I will ever be strong enough to do it. It would mean that I would be starting my life over with no support system.

I know that there is no answer to this, but I would really like any input or wisdom that you could give to me.