Repent or perish!

[berkeley]

Many of you are aware of my past lifestyle and my struggles. I was in a church service some time in the first quarter of 2008. The minister felt led to air out some dirty laundry. I was the second person that was called-out.
The minister of GOD said:
"God has spoken to me about you. He said that you have been dwelling on your past. You need to make things right TODAY! God said that if you keep dwelling on your past, you are going to return to the perversion that you came out of..."
He said some more things briefly, which of I can not remember. The last thing he said to me was "REPENT OR PERISH!"

The minister of God was right. I had been dwelling on my past. God would move and I was numb and dry. Even Esau sought repentance with tears. I envy the guy. I couldn't cry tears. Not one drop. Strange. I would dry-cry. I could feel some of the emotions that one feels when they weep and have dry eyes. I had been in this condition for several weeks. Anyway, after the rebuke I hid my face in a chair and squeazed out a few drops.

As of late, I thought I was making progress. I admit, I am not who I was when I shared my issues with the forum. But, it "feels" like as soon as I am making strides, I come up against a wall. I can see the wall. The wall that is in front of me at this moment... I feel it. I sense it. I see it. It's not a small wall. If I could describe what I See in front of me:
The wall is tall. It is made of earth colored bricks. It is very solid. When I press my hand against it, it is very solid. It is fortified, like a fortress.

I don't know if I can make it through this one. Certainly not through my own ability and strength.

Just pray for me. Berkeley or Bryan... whatever you refer to me as. God knows...