To tell or not to tell an adopted child

Originally Posted by Margies3

Both of our sons are adopted.

We got Justin at age 3 1/2 and Keith at 17 months (they are not biological), so they have both known from the very beginning that they are adopted.

We've told them both that the reason we have them instead of their birth parents is because, while their birth parents loved them deeply, neither of them were in a place in their lives where they could be the kinds of parents that babies deserve to have. We've made it absolutely clear that the birth parents were not bad people. I truly do not believe that any of them are. They were simply too young, too immature, too troubled.........

We've also let them know that we have alot more information on both sets of birth parents for them. And that when we believe that they are in a place in their lives where they are mature enough to handle it, we will be happy to share that information with them. In the meantime, we've asked them to trust us enough to know that we only want what is in their best interest. Justin will be 18 in December and graduates high school in June of 2008. At that time, we will help him make contact with his birth mother. Keith sees his biological grandmother and his biological half-brother once a year already. He never asks about his birth mother, but we will help him to meet her when he is older as well.

In my opinion....this is what makes a successful adoption .....parents who realize the special circumstances for an adopted child...when adoptive parents are over protective and jealous of the birth parents it causes such pain for the child, who is innocent in the whole thing. I think that in many cases open adoption helps everyone...as long as the birth parents realize that the adoptive parents are just that the parents...I am hoping that adoption will become the first choice for young women and NOT abortion! I just hate abortion and what it has caused...the women who started all that, who has now changed her mind...wonder how she sleeps at night knowing what has happened because of her actions! She if fighting for the other side now, but the damage that has been done....oh my heart aches for all those babies....