Your Greatest Need

[deacon blues]

The other day at our daughter’s soccer game, one of her teammates, a rather timid player whose game lacks confidence, scored her first goal of the season. The cheers from the fans went up as always when any of the girls does something special. But the enthusiasm behind our applause and praise seemed extra hearty knowing the boost of assurance this would give her. The smile on her face, the gleam in her eye, her body language, all underscored the sense of joy and satisfaction that one experiences when we’re being approved and affirmed by others.

We want to be accepted. We want to gain the approval of others. We want people to see us as having value and worth. We hunger for praise, pats on the back, compliments and commendations. Deep down inside we have a need to be accepted. Accepted for who we are. Accepted as we are. Accepted in spite of what we are or what we’ve done. Accepted in spite of what aren’t and what we haven’t done.

There is an inborn sense in all of us that we lack significance. We are but small creatures in this vast universe. Most of us are unknown to the world. Most of us will never be known by a vast majority of humanity. Very very few if us will go down in the history books. Some people are driven to rise above the masses to do things that are noteworthy, that will be recognized by others for generations to come. Some people are motivated to forge significance for themselves and to leave a lasting legacy that won’t be soon forgotten. But underneath it all there’s still the awareness that most of what we do doesn’t change the fact that there is something wrong with us, something dysfunctional, something lacking regardless of what we do.

We watch with sadness as people who have achieved the heights of fame and fortune self destruct using drugs, or alcohol, commit suicide or ruin their reputations beyond repair. With more money than any of us will ever see, with name recognition that none of us will ever know, with accomplishments that most of us won’t even come close to, we scratch our heads in bewilderment as to how these folks could feel so worthless that they would do such things to themselves. It’s because the one thing we are all longing for, searching for, hoping for cannot be found in wealth, popularity or human achievement...

In Timothy Keller’s book, “King’s Cross”, Keller quotes theologian William Vanstone’s book, “The Phenomenology of Love” in which he declares, “…we need to be loved like we need air and water. We can’t live without love. That means there’s a certain mercenary quality to our relationships. We look for people whose love will really affirm us. We invest our love only where we know we will get a good return. Of course when we do that, our love is conditional and non-vulnerable, because we’re not loving the person simply for himself or herself; we’re loving the person partly for the love we’re getting.”

Keller goes on to say, “Nobody can give anyone else the kind or amount of love they’re starved for. In the end we’re all alike, groping for true love and incapable of fully giving it.” I think this is fundamentally why there’s so much pain and loneliness in the world. Sure there are those who find measures of love and acceptance in marriage and relationships, but underlying it all we know that there are limits to how much humans can love one another. It’s never completely pure, untainted, unconditional love. We love with conditions, even if those conditions are few and aren’t asking much.

Keller then says what I believe to be the solution to our dilemma. “What we need is someone to love us who doesn’t need us at all. Someone who loves us radically, unconditionally, vulnerably. Someone who loves us just for our sake. If we received that kind of love, that would so assure us of our value, it would so fill us up, that maybe we could start to love like that too. Who can give love with no need? Jesus.”

It feels great to score a goal. But within minutes instead of scoring the goal, you’re making a mistake on the field that allows the other team to score. Instead of cheers and praise, you’re feeling the shame of your failure. It’s wonderful to have one say to you, “I love you” and that they embrace you and commit themselves to you and communicate their approval of you in words and deeds. But in time people hurt one another, disappoint one another, fail to live up to the expectations of one another. Some people breakup, divorce, move out and move on in search of, and never discovering, perfect love. Others choose to live with the emptiness and loneliness and embrace the attitude of one songwriter ..who simply declared “Love Stinks!”

This planet is covered with hopeless humanity searching for, hungry for and craving acceptance, approval, affirmation and unconditional love. So many never find it because they think it can be found in another human being. The love and acceptance we yearn for can only be found in Jesus. He doesn’t need us, but He loves and accepts us anyway. His love is perfect. And it’s unconditional. He’ll love you even if you won’t love Him back. And I agree with Keller. The only possibility for human beings to love as He loves is by loving Him and accepting Him and trusting Him. As we accept His grace in our lives, we are changed and transformed into something better and into something brand new. We become like Him. And as we grow up into Christ, we become His mechanism to bring His great love into the people and world around us.