Can church be bad for your health?

[Azzan]

Originally Posted by coadie

You still haven't demonstrated that there was actual "TRAUMA"

There has be be trauam before there is a post trauma time period.

Life is loaded with negative experiences. That doesn't mean people carry trauma wounds.

I get a little blunt. Why do people think they have a right to carry resentment and grudges forever over junk that preachers said that hit them wrong? Counselors have a knack of assisting people in discovering roots of bitterness and turning them into scars and victims.


Would it be wrong to encourage some one to eat if they had memories of vomiting a meal one day?

My advice is for people to learn better coping mechanisms and discovering tools to get over stufff. I suggest going straight back to church. It isn't the church that is the problem. The presenting problem seems to be how this person reacted to what someone else said and did.
Confront your fears.

Aquila, your story is over dramatized. Tiger woods isn't playing the PTSD card either.

The bible doesn't say we have rights to not be offended. When someone is offended, I don't recommend a pitty party and involving others in build up of a huge story of trauma and unfairness.

You'll get no arguement from me on the bolded. It's just that some of us need help in developing those coping mechanisms. I was such a person.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by coadie

You still haven't demonstrated that there was actual "TRAUMA"

There has be be trauam before there is a post trauma time period.

Life is loaded with negative experiences. That doesn't mean people carry trauma wounds.

I get a little blunt. Why do people think they have a right to carry resentment and grudges forever over junk that preachers said that hit them wrong? Counselors have a knack of assisting people in discovering roots of bitterness and turning them into scars and victims.


Would it be wrong to encourage some one to eat if they had memories of vomiting a meal one day?

My advice is for people to learn better coping mechanisms and discovering tools to get over stufff. I suggest going straight back to church. It isn't the church that is the problem. The presenting problem seems to be how this person reacted to what someone else said and did.
Confront your fears.

Aquila, your story is over dramatized. Tiger woods isn't playing the PTSD card either.

The bible doesn't say we have rights to not be offended. When someone is offended, I don't recommend a pitty party and involving others in build up of a huge story of trauma and unfairness.

Okay, Coadie votes that the person be encouraged to go straight back to church, regardless of what they might have endured or how it's might effect them. They need to just, "get over it", and developing positive coping mechanisms.

Honestly, that was a decent answer Coadie. Thanks for contributing.

Anyone else wish to share their thoughts?

[coadie]

Originally Posted by NotforSale

Even Mr. Graham is off on this one. It's not that easy. In fact, it’s statements like these that destroy the confidence of long standing Christians, and the reason is simple; if I DO what Mr. Graham says, my marriage won’t fail. After time, when the perfect World you tried to build falls apart, God becomes responsible for not holding His end of the bargain, when God had nothing to do with the broken kingdom.

See, Mr. Graham had a successful marriage. He had a blessing. He was fortunate. He found the right mate. When people wind up blessed, they gauge everyone else off of their own successes. In other words, if I can do it, they can do it. This is the Pharisaical approach to Faith and spiritual expectation, breeding self righteousness because we look down on those who don’t do what WE can do.

We are people, and that is why things fail, even if we do everything right. We can coddle, protect, and guide someone, only to find them in a pile of pig dung.

I've been a pastor for 15 years and marital conflict is the most difficult problem we face in Church today.

Children that become adults who have been molested, abused and beaten, or raised by single parents, they can have a host of issues where there is no easy answer. I’ve watched Pastors, Counselors with 30 years of experience, and parents who raised their children with 110% effort, throw their arms up in the air in total dismay as families fell apart.

You can pray until you have broken knees and still wind up divorced.

A couple of points. We no longer see people say that divorce is not an option. Most folks don't have conflict resolution tools and commitments.
Marriage is a covenant for few people. A divorce creates a new set of conflicts.

I will point out a couple of errors. Every marriage thinks the picked the right one. So they all started the same place.

success in marriage is dependent on commitment and not on selection. Poor Hosea was told by God to marry a trollop.

[coadie]

Originally Posted by Aquila

Okay, Coadie votes that the person be encouraged to go straight back to church, regardless of what they might have endured or how it's might effect them. They need to just, "get over it".

Anyone else wish to share their thoughts?

No pitty party.
God's grace is sufficient.
No more whining.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by coadie

You still haven't demonstrated that there was actual "TRAUMA"

There has be be trauam before there is a post trauma time period.

Life is loaded with negative experiences. That doesn't mean people carry trauma wounds.

I get a little blunt. Why do people think they have a right to carry resentment and grudges forever over junk that preachers said that hit them wrong? Counselors have a knack of assisting people in discovering roots of bitterness and turning them into scars and victims.


Would it be wrong to encourage some one to eat if they had memories of vomiting a meal one day?

My advice is for people to learn better coping mechanisms and discovering tools to get over stufff. I suggest going straight back to church. It isn't the church that is the problem. The presenting problem seems to be how this person reacted to what someone else said and did.
Confront your fears.

Aquila, your story is over dramatized. Tiger woods isn't playing the PTSD card either.

The bible doesn't say we have rights to not be offended. When someone is offended, I don't recommend a pitty party and involving others in build up of a huge story of trauma and unfairness.

I had PTSD. But we were sued, had people driving by at 3:00 AM beeping their horn for weeks, people following us, calling the cops on us, someone smashed out my husband's headlights and taillights on his pickup truck and things just too numerous to mention over the course of years. I was traumatized. Not sure a person in a normal church situation is traumatized to the point of getting PTSD. Depends on the situation, I suppose.

[coadie]

Originally Posted by ILG

I had PTSD. But we were sued, had people driving by at 3:00 AM beeping their horn for weeks, people following us, calling the cops on us, someone smashed out my husband's headlights and taillights on his pickup truck and things just too numerous to mention over the course of years. I was traumatized. Not sure a person in a normal church situation is traumatized to the point of getting PTSD. Depends on the situation, I suppose.

That is being attacked. Stalking, harassment and being hassled is a different deal. The bible says when tribulation comes. Actual warfare is tramatic.

[ILG]

Originally Posted by coadie

That is being attacked. Stalking, harassment and being hassled is a different deal. The bible says when tribulation comes. Actual warfare is tramatic.

I suppose someone could have PTSD if, say, they were in a church that coerced them to marry, cast devils out of them all the time, turned people and family members against each other or something like that.

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by coadie

No pitty party.
God's grace is sufficient.
No more whining.

Sounds like you're the one "whining" here.

This refrain is the usual spiel from those that abuse others. After unloading their load of manure on their audience, they then demean any protest with the "No Whining" appeal.

A legitimate complaint against unchristian behavior is NOT "whining." It is one form of "rebuke" (1 Timothy 5:19-20).

So, to all of the pastors and preachers out there... QUIT WHINING! You are the instigator in this problem. It behooves you to find ways to cope with the complaints that your "ministry" instigates. It's time for you to be the "grown up." Grow up.

Our biggest problem has always been untrained or badly trained clergy.

[NotforSale]

Originally Posted by coadie

A couple of points. We no longer see people say that divorce is not an option. Most folks don't have conflict resolution tools and commitments.

Marriage is a covenant for few people. A divorce creates a new set of conflicts.

I will point out a couple of errors. Every marriage thinks the picked the right one. So they all started the same place.

success in marriage is dependent on commitment and not on selection. Poor Hosea was told by God to marry a trollop.

OK, so what kind of conflict, resolution tools did my grandparents have? How about my grandparents’, grandparents? They came from an era where divorce was 1 in 100, but this was also a time when mortality rates were much different and second marriages were just as common as today. The number one cause of death in women was childbearing, and men were lucky to live past 40 in the 1800’s. When you lost a spouse, you married out of necessity and the marriage you once had may have only been for a few years.

Let's also talk about abuse. Women, who were beaten during this time by their husbands, stuck it out with another black eye. Today, a woman doesn't have to put up with abuse. Another problem was child abuse. Children lived in fear and were less likely to “Tell” on the guilty parent. Today, kids can come forward to be heard, protected, and believed.

Also, years ago a woman didn't have the rights and opportunities she has today and was unable to provide for a potentially large family. With no birth control, many families wound up with several children. To divorce would leave a woman in financial ruin and with hungry children.

The dynamics of long term marriages today cannot be compared with those of long ago. The variables are so obscure, to connect the dots is not possible.

Below is an excerpt from an article and link I’ve attached;

Many of our notions about second marriage families are based on hypothetical comparisons to an idealized form of the nuclear family. For instance, many people believe, even if they don't come right out and say it, that divorce is caused by personal failure in the relationship. It is as if we now have the legal, but not the moral, right to divorce. What is not talked about is that divorce is also a function of our increased life span.

In 1850, it is estimated that life expectancy was about 40 years. For those born in 1990, life expectancy is about 80 years. This gives us a substantially longer time "til death do us part." The average length of marriage in the late 1700's was 7 years, because one of the spouses died. (Ironically the contemporary average length of time between marriage and divorce in the U.S. is also 7 years.) Also, given the short life spans of our ancestors, second marriages were very common. In fact, 100 years ago, 20-30% of marriages were second marriages, just as they are today.

Traditions for remarriage varied across religious and cultural groups. Some advocated remarrying immediately to have the "best" results, others suggested waiting one year. Whatever the arrangement, stepfamiiies were an important group in the community.

It has only been in the 20th century that more people have ended marriages by choice (i.e., divorce) than by death. Sociologists tell us that "conjugal succession" is becoming a normal part of adult development given the 50 to 60 years that most of us will have in which to be adults. American demographers suggest that by the end of the 20th century, half of the children and young adults in the U.S. will be stepchildren.

http://www.stepfamilies.info/article...epfamilies.php

[nahkoe]

Originally Posted by Aquila

So... I think most of us agree that someone can suffer from PTSD from negative experiences in church.

Would it be wrong to try to strongly encourage this person to attend a church given their situation?

I don't know. I'm being very strongly encouraged to go and it's not necessarily bad. Hard, definitely. But I can see in a different situation where it may not be so good.