Blonde Jokes! Or any other clean ones!

TJJJ · #1 10-12-2009, 09:37 PM

Did you her about the blonde who opened the box of Cheerios?

She cried, " Oh goody, donut seeds!'

TJJJ · #2 10-12-2009, 09:38 PM

Did you hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing out all the "W" s!

RandyWayne · #3 10-12-2009, 09:42 PM

I started reading the thread and thought "Great! I have a thousand!" but then I got to the "..or any other clean ones" part of the sentence.

TJJJ · #4 10-12-2009, 09:42 PM

There was a blonde who decided to show how smart Blondes were. She was tired of all the blonde jokes.

So she decided to paint her living room while her husband was at work. She bought all the paint and had all the supplies waiting and as soon as he left for work she started.

When he got home from work he saw she was dressed in a ski parka and a fur coat trying to paint. He asked her what she was doing dressed like that and painting at the same time!

She replied huffily "I read the instructions and they say the paint covers best with 2 coats!"

TJJJ · #5 10-12-2009, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandyWayne

I started reading the thread and thought "Great! I have a thousand!" but then I got to the "..or any other clean ones" part of the sentence.

C'mon Randy, I know you have a few! I need some fresh jokes to throw out there!

TJJJ · #6 10-12-2009, 09:50 PM

Did you hear about the Jewish couple that went down to winter in Mexico? They had been down there a month and decided that they needed to go to worship at a synagogue!

They did not know where one was at so they decided to ask their neighbor Juan if he knew the location of any Jews or of a Jewish synagogue.

"Sure" said Juan, we have lots of Juse! What kind you want?

We gots Orange Juse, Lemon Juse, pineapple juse, apple juse.......

RandyWayne · #7 10-12-2009, 09:51 PM

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes ?

Knock on the hatch

<rim hot>

One night we were having church when the lights went out. We were all looking around trying to find the problem when my Blond Aunt Debbie ran outside. In just a few short minutes she came running back inside the church and as serious as she could be, said, "Hey you guys my lights are working in my car.

<rim shot>

One day a blonde decided to go ice fishing. So she packed up all her gear and headed for the nearest pond she could find. When she got there she started to cut a hole in the ice. Suddenly she heard a booming voice."There are no fish under the ice."
Suprised she turned around and saw no one. So she went back to cutting the hole. The booming voice popped in again,"There are no fish under the ice!"
Again she turned around and saw no one. So she asked "Is that god?"
The booming voice said,"No this is the Ice Rink Manager."

<rim shot>

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically,"What's the matter?" To which she replies..."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl,"Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest."The blonde very calmly states..."No..I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual..."If you need anything just let me know." Well...a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!! He rushes out to her asking,"What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay?? "No..." exclaims the blonde,"I just received a call from my sister and she said that her mother died too!!"

<rim shot>

SeekingOne · #8 10-13-2009, 12:09 AM

A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area.

The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member of the crew, a blond, looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.

She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross."

SeekingOne · #9 10-13-2009, 12:15 AM

Blonde Meets Saint Peter

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter.

Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

SeekingOne · #10 10-13-2009, 12:17 AM

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.