Train up a Child

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by Jesuswins

Unfortunately, she's usually with me all the time (choir practice, Praise Team practice, church meetings) she rarely misbehaves in front of people, especially not on the scale that she does in private, it's not necessarily tantrums either. It's mostly wining/pouting (which gets under my skin), she is good at negotiating with me, and that's my fault for giving in.

But something has got to change and it might be a culture shock for both of us. Because tonight we are going to have a major reconstruction of rules and consequences.

Do you have a reward system with her for anything she does currently? If not that could be one place to start. It doesnt have to be big.. at that age a simple piece of candy or a toy from the dollar tree may work.. there are many sites you can print free reward charts from. I started this with my youngest nephew not too long ago as he was having problems with homework. He is 8 but it worked like a dream! He gets it done so fast and is so excited about the rewards.

I know this wont fix the problem but sometimes it does help a little to know they are working for something. Oh and this is something else i tried. My son when he was younger (well 2 actually) could cuss any sailor under the table. It was what he grew up with. And so we worked on this so hard. He wouldnt do it normally around others but always to me after his dad was out of the picture. So we started allowances at that age.. for one reason! To learn a major lesson. He got 5 dollars a week... all in quarters... and he held onto it in a plastic bag in the kitchen.. and beside it was a jar.. the bad word jar and every time he said a bad word. I got 2 quarters... he was so excited about having the money that when it all went bye bye in a day the first week he had to do a real fast rethink... in 2 weeks he had totally quit cursing and hasnt to this day since! Might work.. every time she throws a fit or whines.. gets money taken away... if she doesnt lose any give her an extra dollar as a reward???

[Jesuswins]

Nice Idea!!!
Thanks!

[The Mrs]

I have two points of advice for ANY parent:

1.) RESPECT YOURSELF!

2.) BE CONSISTENT!


Respect yourself, and demand respect from your child toward yourself. I think so many problems are overcome when your child respects you. There were many things I didn't allow my children to do to me. They were never allowed to hit me, yell at me, or even *gasp* talk back to me. When a child talks back to you, or whines, he is in essence saying you are 'wrong'. He doesn't respect you and is willing to argue his point until HE is 'right'. When you get this valuable little principle established, the whining, while it may not ever stop completely, lessens greatly. This will help your child restrain himself as he grows and matures and begets good behavior. As my children grew and matured in understanding, they were allowed to answer back one time. If they had a valid point for not doing something they were asked to do or disagree with, they had an opportunity to explain themselves with a proper attitude.


Children have a way of walking all over us, and getting what they want. They figure out what buttons to push, and what works best. If you ever want to establish priniciples in your child's life, you have got to be consistent. Make a rule, and enforce it. I know it's not easy, but you're only taking two steps backwards for every one forward if you won't enforce your rules. Know your child and what punishment is effective, and make sure you have an appropriate punishment for them if they decide to argue/whine with you. For some kids it's just a stern look, for others, it takes much more 'persuasion'.

[Truthseeker]

If our children are disrespecting us, it's our fault.

[AmazingGrace]

Originally Posted by Truthseeker

If our children are disrespecting us, it's our fault.

Whoooooooa there! Really... so the fact that when I came home from the hospital after having my second child and walked in and my son looked me in the face and called me a name he had never ever heard other than from his dad is my fault now???? I think you need to rethink that!!!

[pelathais]

Originally Posted by philjones

Going in for surgery on my neck, fusing c5, c6 and c7, on November 1. Other than that all is pretty much the same. Had a good revival in OK last weekend.

Would love to see you guys!

Hello Brother Phil...

I didn't know about your upcoming surgery - I'll keep you in prayer.

I'll also avoid the obvious wisecracks about you being "stiff-necked..."

Take care.

[The Mrs]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

Whoooooooa there! Really... so the fact that when I came home from the hospital after having my second child and walked in and my son looked me in the face and called me a name he had never ever heard other than from his dad is my fault now???? I think you need to rethink that!!!

Maybe not initially AG...you may not have put that training INTO him, none of us would intentionally do that. But by being passive and allowing it, we do them a great disservice. EVERYTHING is training to a child, whether it's active or passive.

They are always testing and trying new things, new attitudes, new behaviors. They grow and change every day. We have to keep up with their changes, and adjust accordingly.

Apparently you didn't keep indulging that behavior, but you worked to take it OUT of him. You demanded better character from him, and he changed.

Really, if you look at the root of it all, it boils down to self-centeredness. They want. They get. When we come against those bad behaviors we are teaching them to control themselves, which will lead to selflessness as they grow.

Every mother and wife have two books that are a must for them.


1. "TO TRAIN UP A CHILD" BY MICHAEL & DEBI PEARL - www.nogreaterjoy.org

(you can read chapter 1 here: Click Here)


2. "FASCINATING WOMANHOOD" BY HELEN ANDELIN - www.fascinatingwomanhood.net

[The Mrs]

I forgot to mention: Don't let your children pout. Pouting is just the passive form of disagreeing/arguing with you. If they are pouting, in their minds they are still 'right', and you are still 'wrong'.

One thing that can help combat this is when you give them a command, have them answer you with 'Yes, Mommy' with a positive attitude. You will have to teach them how to do this.

"Tommy, it's time to pick up your blocks. Now say Yes, Mommy." Use an upbeat, happy voice to teach them to say 'Yes, Mommy'. This helps them to do things cheerfully when asked, instead of throwing a temper tantrum and having a bad attitude.

[Truthseeker]

Originally Posted by AmazingGrace

Whoooooooa there! Really... so the fact that when I came home from the hospital after having my second child and walked in and my son looked me in the face and called me a name he had never ever heard other than from his dad is my fault now???? I think you need to rethink that!!!

yes, really. It's the parents fault if kids are disrespecting them.