There is no doubt that he was stupid, but how can you be hurt by someone who's never been a part of your life, yet that lack of participation affects you negatively?
You just answered your own question.
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Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
There is no doubt that he was stupid, but how can you be hurt by someone who's never been a part of your life, yet that lack of participation affects you negatively?
Because they hurt you by their neglect and abdonment.
Its not what they did that effects you its what they didnt do.
For myself, I can't live with unforgiveness and bitterness. I just can't. Trust is an issue though depending on circumstances and situations, and that's just a fact.
__________________ Smiles & Blessings.... ~Felicity Welsh~ (surname courtesy of Jim Yohe)
Perhaps in many cases, but I honestly just don't care and never have. He puts on a good show for his mother, but I don't buy the lies anymore.
He recently contacted my brother, who was in his area last month, and asked him to stay an extra day (my father is a OTR truck driver) so he could see him and said he wanted to talk to him. My brother was happy and told me that it must be important because dad NEVER calls him. I told him not to hold his breath, but he insisted that it was important for him to call.
The following day, he waited and waited. He called our mom to tell her that he had yet to call and meet, so my mom called him and chewed him out! She asked why he hadn't called his son who was waiting all day, missing out on work and everything. Dad said that he didn't have time and was busy. She said, "When are you going to call and tell him that yourself?"
Well, that phone call never came, and the meeting never happened. Turns out that my grandmother called him to tell him that my brother was coming to town and he should see him when he came home. My father knew that my brother would tell my grandma that he was staying an extra day, so to appease her, he called to show he was attempting a relationship. He's done that from time to time, even with me.
The last time I saw him (besides when my grandfather passed away last year), he told me that he passes by my house all the time and that he'd call so we could meet for lunch often. I was shocked at his offer, and I waited for the call. It never came. I called and left him message after message. His excuse (when I asked him at the funeral why he hadn't called) was that he didn't have that phone anymore. That was also a lie.
He's lied to me my entire life, and I cannot allow myself to get caught up in more hurt. Forgive him? For what, being a jerk? That's his problem, not mine. But I'm done with him.
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I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
That's possible, I suppose, but like I said, I just don't care anymore. It's his loss.
don't you think being a Christian and having a relationship with God has helped?
God is the ultimate father. He has adopted us as his own. This has helped me greatly, because my father was an alcoholic most of my life, and now is a dry one.
He is very hard to get close to, but I dont feel bitter with him because I know he was raised by an abusive woman, he is just a weak man-my expectation of him is very low.
Some of the junk he pulls still hurts and I still need to forgive him.
Perhaps in many cases, but I honestly just don't care and never have. He puts on a good show for his mother, but I don't buy the lies anymore.
He recently contacted my brother, who was in his area last month, and asked him to stay an extra day (my father is a OTR truck driver) so he could see him and said he wanted to talk to him. My brother was happy and told me that it must be important because dad NEVER calls him. I told him not to hold his breath, but he insisted that it was important for him to call.
The following day, he waited and waited. He called our mom to tell her that he had yet to call and meet, so my mom called him and chewed him out! She asked why he hadn't called his son who was waiting all day, missing out on work and everything. Dad said that he didn't have time and was busy. She said, "When are you going to call and tell him that yourself?"
Well, that phone call never came, and the meeting never happened. Turns out that my grandmother called him to tell him that my brother was coming to town and he should see him when he came home. My father knew that my brother would tell my grandma that he was staying an extra day, so to appease her, he called to show he was attempting a relationship. He's done that from time to time, even with me.
The last time I saw him (besides when my grandfather passed away last year), he told me that he passes by my house all the time and that he'd call so we could meet for lunch often. I was shocked at his offer, and I waited for the call. It never came. I called and left him message after message. His excuse (when I asked him at the funeral why he hadn't called) was that he didn't have that phone anymore. That was also a lie.
He's lied to me my entire life, and I cannot allow myself to get caught up in more hurt. Forgive him? For what, being a jerk? That's his problem, not mine. But I'm done with him.
HO - that all sounds so familiar. My children have actually gotten to the point where they say they don't care either, but I know they do. It's a protection they have put up to keep from continually getting hurt.
__________________
Master of Science in Applied Disgruntled Religious Theorist Wrangling
PhD in Petulant Tantrum Quelling
Dean of the School of Hard Knocks
don't you think being a Christian and having a relationship with God has helped?
God is the ultimate father. He has adopted us as his own. This has helped me greatly, because my father was an alcoholic most of my life, and now is a dry one.
He is very hard to get close to, but I dont feel bitter with him because I know he was raised by an abusive woman, he is just a weak man-my expectation of him is very low.
Some of the junk he pulls still hurts and I still need to forgive him.
While being Christian certainly has helped, I believe the relationship I never had has effected my relationship with God, in that, it's difficult to see Him as my Father knowing that my own father wants nothing to do with me. It's hard for me to fathom having a daddy.
__________________
I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
Nope, and it wouldn't do any good anyway. He lies constantly and I don't want to hear more lies and excuses as to his behavior. I've already heard them all.
__________________
I've gone and done it now! I'm on Facebook!!!
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