Spiritual Abuse: Fact or Fiction

[berkeley]

Originally Posted by Steve Epley

Forget forgiveness it will take away my excuse to be miserable and NO ONE is going to take my misery away I deserve it. If I quit being miserable someone may expect something out of me!

[crakjak]

Originally Posted by Chan

Well, I'm not convinced there is such a thing as spiritual abuse but, for the sake of argument, let's just say that there is. Healing from the effects of it is something for God to deal with but the first step toward that healing is forgiving the "abuser" the way God forgave you (which does, in fact, mean that you also forget the abuse since God chooses to forget your sins). The abused does not have the right to wallow in self-pity and refuse to be healed (as they're doing as long as they continue to hold onto the hurt and refuse to forgive as God forgave them). Does healing take time? Usually it does. However, that doesn't give anyone the right to harbor resentfulness, bitterness, anger, etc. toward the "abuser."

And, no, I'm not speaking only of adults. I am, however, speaking only of so-called "spiritual abuse" and not about any other kind of abuse.

The word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them."
[Ezekiel 34:1-6, NIV]

Here's some pretty good evidence, wouldn't you say?

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by Subdued

I mostly agree with that. Forgiveness is a must; otherwise, healing won't happen. I'm not sure that forgiveness is always at the very beginning of the process, though. But it definitely IS in the process.

Well I'm not an expert with this whole deal. All I know to do is what Scripture teaches.

I've never had a lot to have to forgive anyone for until a few years ago with some church problems. That was pretty major and I had to work really hard and pray hard to keep my attitude and heart right and my spirit in check. I spent a lot of time crying and praying and pleading with God to help me. I couldn't have done it without His help. Then I had to make a conscious decision and choose to forgive those who I felt had wronged me/us.

It helps a lot when you think about the fact that we all have made mistakes. We all have the ability to make mistakes and perhaps even worse mistakes than have already been made. So how can we afford to point fingers when our own finger can point right back at ourselves.

If you look at it that way it helps. At least it does me. I've needed grace and mercy extended to me on more than one occasion. I may need it again so why should I -- how can I withhold it from others?

That's part of my attitude about this whole forgiveness/healing thing.

[Rico]

Originally Posted by crakjak

The word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them."
[Ezekiel 34:1-6, NIV]

Here's some pretty good evidence, wouldn't you say?

Leave the bible out of this, would ya?

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by Felicity

Well I'm not an expert with this whole deal. All I know to do is what Scripture teaches.

I've never had a lot to have to forgive anyone for until a few years ago with some church problems. That was pretty major and I had to work really hard and pray hard to keep my attitude and heart right and my spirit in check. I spent a lot of time crying and praying and pleading with God to help me. I couldn't have done it without His help. Then I had to make a conscious decision and choose to forgive those who I felt had wronged me/us.

It helps a lot when you think about the fact that we all have made mistakes. We all have the ability to make mistakes and perhaps even worse mistakes than have already been made. So how can we afford to point fingers when our own finger can point right back at ourselves.

If you look at it that way it helps. At least it does me. I've needed grace and mercy extended to me on more than one occasion. I may need it again so why should I -- how can I withhold it from others?

That's part of my attitude about this whole forgiveness/healing thing.

I'm not talking about holding grudges. I'm talking about recovering from PAIN resulting from abuse. One can forgive but still hurt. Getting over the hurt often times requires more than just forgiving - it takes time and possibly care, attention and treatment; whatever that may be (prayer would be part of the "treatment"). But I am NOT talking about hold things against another, or pointing fingers.

[Felicity]

Originally Posted by Subdued

I'm not talking about holding grudges. I'm talking about recovering from PAIN resulting from abuse. One can forgive but still hurt. Getting over the hurt often times requires more than just forgiving - it takes time and possibly care, attention and treatment; whatever that may be (prayer would be part of the "treatment"). But I am NOT talking about hold things against another, or pointing fingers.

I know that. I was only talking in a general sense. It wasn't meant to be personal at all!

I understand what you're saying.

[Steve Epley]

I am not holding grudges I just hurt to much to function. I only feel bad when I think about them which is 24/7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rico]

Originally Posted by Steve Epley

I am not holding grudges I just hurt to much to function. I only feel bad when I think about them which is 24/7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brother, you post stuff like this and then wonder why people say you are calloused in your approach.

[Steve Epley]

Originally Posted by Rico

Brother, you post stuff like this and then wonder why people say you are calloused in your approach.

Now I am hurt again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The hurts keep coming!!!!

The abuse never stops.

[Subdued]

Originally Posted by Felicity

I know that. I was only talking in a general sense. It wasn't meant to be personal at all!

I understand what you're saying.