Healthy versus Unhealthy Relationships

Nahum · #1 10-31-2007, 10:19 AM

Have you ever heard the "still small voice of God" warning you to let go of an unhealthy relationship? Recently, I have been evaluating some of my relationships, and have decided that, without realizing it, I had made some unhealthy friendships with a few folks who wanted to destroy my relationship with sound doctrine.

I had thought that we could peacefully coexist with doctrinal differences, but these friends were not happy with that. They subtly tried to push me to accept trintarianism and all sorts of other false teachings. I eventually picked up on the fact that they were really mocking me and what I believed, so I decided it would be best to spend time with others who, at the very least, shared some very basic doctrinal disctinctives with me.

All of that got me thinking about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. How does one determine if a friendship is healthy or not?

Here are several questions that may be helpful in determining if a friendship is good for you.

Is this relationship worth the amount of work required to maintain it?
Does this person make me feel good about myself? Am I uncomfortable around them?
Is this friend competitive with me in a negative way?
Do I like who I am when I’m with them? Or do we seem to bring out the worst in each other?
How deeply can I trust this person? Could I count on them if I needed to? Could I share my feelings freely?
Do we have common interests and values? If not, do I benefit from the differences?
Am I receiving as much as I give?
If I gave this relationship the effort it deserves, would it benefit me and enrich my life?

The people you choose to surround yourself with should inspire you to be the absolute best you can be. They should want what is best for you. They should always build you up, and never tear you down. They should never encourage you to do wrong.

Real friends have no hidden agenda. They operate in truthfulness.

The bible says that "Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint" (Prov. 25: 19)

Make sure that your friendships come "with no strings attached."

SDG · #2 10-31-2007, 10:24 AM

Well, PP ... I still consider you a friend .... despite your current "revelation" and justifications. My extension of friendship is unconditional.

Nahum · #3 10-31-2007, 10:33 AM

Thank you Daniel.

That is very kind of you to say.

I wouldn't say it is a revelation, just a new awareness. I believe there is a lot of truth in the old adage "you are what your friends are."

I don't want to be what some of those acquaintances are.

I am happy with what I believe.

I refuse to bow to false doctrine to save friendships.

SDG · #4 10-31-2007, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Poster

Thank you Daniel.

That is very kind of you to say.

I wouldn't say it is a revelation, just a new awareness. I believe there is a lot of truth in the old adage "you are what your friends are."

I don't want to be what some of those acquaintances are.

I am happy with what I believe.

I refuse to bow to false doctrine to save friendships.

'

Nor have you been asked to .... but I respect you for this week's decision. Be reminded that you can call whenever you need a friend.

revrandy · #5 10-31-2007, 10:49 AM

I think PP is right...

I've always told the boys "you become who you hang out with"...sometimes out intentions starting out are good...but can become muddled over time...

SDG · #6 10-31-2007, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy

I think PP is right...

I've always told the boys "you become who you hang out with"...sometimes out intentions starting out are good...but can become muddled over time...

I do agree w/ many of his conclusions ... what PP. however, is battling is deeper, IMO. Often we do not realize that for every action ... there is a reaction. We are all responsible for our words, actions and decisions ... even when we initiate threads or respond in kind.

revrandy · #7 10-31-2007, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

I do agree w/ many of his conclusions ... what PP. however. is battling is deeper, IMO. Often we do not realize that for every action ... their is a reaction. We are all responsible for our words, actions and decisions.

We are also responsible for our fellowship...

I have no problem being "friends" with someone who disagree's with me doctrinally but do not consider them to be a "brother of like faith or passions"...

Considering them to be equal in love yes...equal in mercy yes...but not equal in Truth...and that is the difference...

Do I think some can believe a lie and die never knowing the truth yes...

Do I think some can know the Truth and die never making heaven yes...

Doctrinal Truth is a Great Responsibility when one has received the Revelation ..it is our responsibility to share it to whomever we can...

Telling those that are not in the truth they are wrong on Doctrine... but can come to know that Truth and it will set them free...

Courting those who not in Truth will justify their belief more than to help them understand their blindness....

I do believe the UPC and Oneness Organizations have the Truth concerning Doctrine.... and the Trinitarians have swallowed Catholicism and False Doctrine and it will lead them to Hell... Unless they come to the Truth of WHO He is...

You can't have it both ways...

That being said...

I love Everybody.... and I have friends who are Not in the Truth or have forsaken it...and I still talk with them...and I have let them know..that even tho' I disagree with them... I am still their friend.... and love them....
imo..

Nahum · #8 10-31-2007, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy

We are also responsible for our fellowship...

I have no problem being "friends" with someone who disagree's with me doctrinally but do not consider them to be a "brother of like faith or passions"...

Considering them to be equal in love yes...equal in mercy yes...but not equal in Truth...and that is the difference...

Do I think some can believe a lie and die never knowing the truth yes...

Do I think some can know the Truth and die never making heaven yes...

Doctrinal Truth is a Great Responsibility when one has received the Revelation ..it is our responsibility to share it to whomever we can...

Telling those that are not in the truth they are wrong on Doctrine... but can come to know that Truth and it will set them free...

Courting those who not in Truth will justify their belief more than to help them understand their blindness....

I do believe the UPC and Oneness Organizations have the Truth concerning Doctrine.... and the Trinitarians have swallowed Catholicism and False Doctrine and it will lead them to Hell... Unless they come to the Truth of WHO He is...

You can't have it both ways...

That being said...

I love Everybody.... and I have friends who are Not in the Truth or have forsaken it...and I still talk with them...and I have let them know..that even tho' I disagree with them... I am still their friend.... and love them....
imo..

Totally agree Randy.

mizpeh · #9 10-31-2007, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revrandy

That being said...

I love Everybody.... and I have friends who are Not in the Truth or have forsaken it...and I still talk with them...and I have let them know..that even tho' I disagree with them... I am still their friend.... and love them....
imo..

RR,

How close are you with those you are friends with who are not in the Truth? I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to those of different beliefs and being friendly with them but how friendly before what they believe rubs off on you?

I have friends at work who would invite me out for drinks after work. I've told them I don't drink. I've been there and done that but now that I'm a Christian I'm not into drinking anymore. They would still invite me and say drink soda or lemonade. But I know I would be uncomfortable with the surroundings and more so with their conversation...gossip, sexual innuendos, which tends to loosen up with a few drinks. So I politely decline. Yet I'm friendly with them at work. We discuss family, work problems, and general things and sometimes faith in God.

How close a friendship can you have to someone who believes basic foundational doctrines differently than you do?

revrandy · #10 10-31-2007, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mizpeh

RR,

How close are you with those you are friends with who are not in the Truth? I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to those of different beliefs and being friendly with them but how friendly before what they believe rubs off on you?

I have friends at work who would invite me out for drinks after work. I've told them I don't drink. I've been there and done that but now that I'm a Christian I'm not into drinking anymore. They would still invite me and say drink soda or lemonade. But I know I would be uncomfortable with the surroundings and more so with their conversation...gossip, sexual innuendos, which tends to loosen up with a few drinks. So I politely decline. Yet I'm friendly with them at work. We discuss family, work problems, and general things and sometimes faith in God.

How close a friendship can you have to someone who believes basic foundational doctrines differently than you do?

That's as about as close as I come to... I do have some close friends who know what I believe as they used to believe the same...but probably wouldn't invite me to participate knowing what I believe...

I have talked about mutual respect with some I am friends with... I respect their boundaries and they respect mine... even tho I disagree with them...

but as far as hanging around folks or spending a lot of time...it's with those who I know are doctrinally sound and of like faith...

To much difference tends to sway the balance no matter how strong a person is... and to little difference tends to cement the heart...so there really needs to be a balance beam of walking together... imo... if that makes any sense...