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For When You Break Your Leg...(and your toe)
My sister broke her foot earlier this summer, and then a couple of weeks later, after the foot was in a cast, she tripped on her crutches and broke the second toe on the OTHER foot. Needless to say, my clean freak-always-busy-Martha-Stewartesque older sister has had a very miserable and bored summer, while in her wheelchair/crutches. She sent this to me today, I thought it was quite funny:
Some of this has happened, some we have FEARED would happen. Enjoy!
PJ’s DO’S and DON’TS for dealing with a non-functioning limb
1. DO use a sturdy plastic lawn chair to take a shower.
DON’T lean BACKWARDS in the chair. If it falls over, it is pretty much impossible to extricate yourself from this situation alone, and the laughter can go on for days.
2. DO eat lots of chocolate.
DON’T eat M&M’s. If you drop one and step on it, you will wish bad things on the manufacturer. Trust me, the candy is innocent.
3. DO wear your loose pants, with the big pockets.
DON’T overload the pockets, or the pants can fall down at an inopportune time, such as while you are at the dentist getting a cleaning.
4. DO use a wheelchair if possible.
DON’T lean FORWARD in the wheelchair. Breaking your nose can set your recovery time back quite a bit.
5. DO invest in some good-looking socks.
DON’T wear them in the grass; stickers go right through them, and again with the bad thoughts……..
6. DO work lots of crossword puzzles.
DON’T work the Los Angeles Times’ Crossword. Those people are evil.
7. DO try to invent some new cleaning devices, for the multitude of dirty spots you can now see from your wheelchair.
DON’T test such products while you are alone. It makes your spouse very angry to come home and find a dust mop stuck to the ceiling.
8. DO learn to navigate the internet.
DON’T click on anything that says “survey required”. You’ll be running your anti-spyware for all eternity.
9. DO place an ice chest nearby with cold drinks, for when you are alone.
DON’T try to carry a drink in your mouth while on crutches or in the wheelchair. No matter how many times I’ve tried this, it has never worked. Very confusing.
10. DO keep a sense of humor.
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"God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours."
--David Livingstone
"To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,
To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—
abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;…."
--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, Song of the Open Road
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