The Invisible Reality That Women Live In

[Aquila]

I felt like this was rather thought provoking. As a man, I don't think I've really thought about this...

Men ask why women are so angry, even guys with wives and daughters. Jackson Katz, a prominent social researcher, illustrates why. He's done it with hundreds of audiences:

"I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other.

Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'

Then I ask the women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.

Hold my keys as a potential weapon.
Look in the back seat of the car before getting in.
Carry a cell phone.
Don't go jogging at night.
Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights.
Be careful not to drink too much.
Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured.
Own a big dog.
Carry Mace or pepper spray.
Have an unlisted phone number.
Have a man's voice on my answering machine.
Park in well-lit areas.
Don't use parking garages.
Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men.
Vary my route home from work.
Watch what I wear.
Don't use highway rest areas.
Use a home alarm system.
Don't wear headphones when jogging.
Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime.
Don't take a first-floor apartment.
Go out in groups.
Own a firearm.
Meet men on first dates in public places.
Make sure to have a car or cab fare.
Don't make eye contact with men on the street.
Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.”

― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help

(The first man to minor in women's studies at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, holds a master's degree from the Harvard Graduate School of Education, and a Ph.D. in cultural studies and education from UCLA.)

What other daily, or routine, realities might women experience that don't even show up on the radar in the lives of men?

[Esaias]

Everyone knows women are more likely to be raped (attempted or successful). Thus, concealed carry and time at the boxing gym. Works for men, too.

[derAlte]

This is a very interesting topic. As a naïve white guy, I was dismayed to find out that my African-American son-in-law and his family have to take similar actions to avoid ugly confrontations. Unfortunately, I was surprised to find out they are exposed to race-inspired hostility rather frequently. I had no idea. Makes me sick. It breaks my heart to hear my grandson tell me that already in third grade he gets called the "N" word or "poop stain," because of the color of his skin. Lily-white Grandpa doesn't know what to say.

[Originalist]

Originally Posted by derAlte

This is a very interesting topic. As a naïve white guy, I was dismayed to find out that my African-American son-in-law and his family have to take similar actions to avoid ugly confrontations. Unfortunately, I was surprised to find out they are exposed to race-inspired hostility rather frequently. I had no idea. Makes me sick. It breaks my heart to hear my grandson tell me that already in third grade he gets called the "N" word or "poop stain," because of the color of his skin. Lily-white Grandpa doesn't know what to say.

I think you are taking your whiteness a little too seriously. The best thing you can tell your grandson is that 99.99 % of people of non-African descent in this country don't think like the kid that called him the N word, and to put it out of his mind. Else he will grow up being indoctrinated of what a poor victim he is.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by derAlte

This is a very interesting topic. As a naïve white guy, I was dismayed to find out that my African-American son-in-law and his family have to take similar actions to avoid ugly confrontations. Unfortunately, I was surprised to find out they are exposed to race-inspired hostility rather frequently. I had no idea. Makes me sick. It breaks my heart to hear my grandson tell me that already in third grade he gets called the "N" word or "poop stain," because of the color of his skin. Lily-white Grandpa doesn't know what to say.

Wow. That's rough.

I guess all we can do is try to put such mindsets behind us as individuals.

[Amanah]

Both men and women are potential victims of assault. Both should be wary and street smart.

Women need to be more cautious in general because they are typically smaller and not as strong as a man, but a glock can be an equalizer.

Even a man could be sexually assaulted at gunpoint.

[Esaias]

Traveling alone can be very dangerous in this day and age. Its always good to have a compadre with you.

Also, criminals look for people whose body language says the person is unsure or preoccupied. It also helps to avoid bad areas. Situational awareness goes a long way.

[Aquila]

Originally Posted by Esaias

Traveling alone can be very dangerous in this day and age. Its always good to have a compadre with you.

Also, criminals look for people whose body language says the person is unsure or preoccupied. It also helps to avoid bad areas. Situational awareness goes a long way.

Good advice.

[Originalist]

Originally Posted by Amanah

Both men and women are potential victims of assault. Both should be wary and street smart.

Women need to be more cautious in general because they are typically smaller and not as strong as a man, but a glock can be an equalizer.

Even a man could be sexually assaulted at gunpoint.

As a white male, I'm starting to look over my shoulder more. We are the new target of choice of left wing nutcases of all races.

[Esaias]

Originally Posted by Originalist

As a white male, I'm starting to look over my shoulder more. We are the new target of choice of left wing nutcases of all races.

I grew up running around Third Ward and other choice neighborhoods in Houston and San Antonio. I learned to be aware of my surroundings a long time ago. I was sneaking out at night when I was 12, joyriding in cars when I was 14, first night in jail at 17. Spent many a Friday night on Elgin St in my high school days, was running around homeless in downtown Galveston at 19.

The idea that a man under the age of 65 might not have his head on a swivel at all times is literally beyond my comprehension.