Divorce and Stress in Children

[SDG]

Divorce and Stress in Children

by Paul Faulkner


Several years ago, "The American Journal of Health" reported the sad results of a long term survey. It said when parents are divorced -- especially if the parents divorced before the children where twenty-one -- the children involved tended to have shorter life spans by more than four years than children who did not experience parental divorce.

Strangely, the same findings did not bear out for children who lost parents due to death. Divorce creates a lot of stress and unhealthy behaviors as well. The researchers believe that social isolation created by divorce might be responsible for the results of the survey. Whatever the reason, the point is even years down the line the effects are felt.

The Bible says, God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). And this is just one more reason why. However, rather than using this to emotionally beat up on divorced people -- most of whom hate divorce, too -- let's use this as a stimulus to invest and revitalize our marriages. I have often taught couples that the greatest thing they can do for their children is to love each other. However, this kind of love must go beyond mere emotion and feeling; it needs to involve demonstrative actions as well as kind words.

Children, you show love for others by truly helping them, and not merely by talking about it (1 John 3:18 CEV).

We can and must learn to love each other these ways: our children's futures are riding on it!

Posted: 06/08/2007
URL: http://www.heartlight.org/articles/2...rcestress.html

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This topic has been talked about in several threads this week and I thought perhaps we could talk about it ... I do have a vested interest, as some know already, and concerns.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Daniel, the scars last a long time. I am the victum of divorced parents. This happenned when I was 8. I was every other weekend with another parent and six weeks in the summer. When I was in church, it was then a battle that I could not attend church for six weeks in the summer.

"The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their Mother!"

[SDG]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Daniel, the scars last a long time. I am the victum of divorced parents. This happenned when I was 8. I was every other weekend with another parent and six weeks in the summer. When I was in church, it was then a battle that I could not attend church for six weeks in the summer.

"The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their Mother!"

BOOM, I ask for obvious reasons and if you choose not to answer it's okay ...

besides being shipped back and forth ... and the trauma that brings ...

What were some of your biggest concerns and questions growing up surrounding this situation?

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by Daniel Alicea

BOOM, I ask for obvious reasons and if you choose not to answer it's okay ...

besides being shipped back and forth ... and the trauma that brings ...

What were some of your biggest concerns and questions growing up surrounding this situation?

Fear.

Fear that I would never see one parent or another. Losing my Maternal Grandfather the next year was a horrible blow as well. My Dad was an alcoholic and the year of the divorce he came over and passed out in the chair. For a long time I resisted Holidays as pagan when deep down I was fearful to face that memory again.

When Granddad died, it did cause my Dad to sober up with AA. That was good news/bad news for the Humanistic ideals he then fought with me over regarding faith.

I thank God we don't have kids involved in our family situation.

[QueenEsther]

The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their Mother!"

Amen!!

My little brother has a daughter - he never married the wife which was not necessarily a bad thing in my opinion - you would understand if you knew her. However, he does his best to keep peace for the daughter's sake. If the mom and dad can't get along it makes the child's life miserable - they are usually the ones who suffers from it.

[Rico]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Daniel, the scars last a long time. I am the victum of divorced parents. This happenned when I was 8. I was every other weekend with another parent and six weeks in the summer. When I was in church, it was then a battle that I could not attend church for six weeks in the summer.

"The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their Mother!"

At least you got to see yours. I didn't really get to see my dad much at all until I turned 13. That's when I moved in with him. It lasted all of 9 months. Some people have no business procreating. I've forgiven both my parents for the mockery they made out of marriage, but I definitely had some really rough years.

[BoredOutOfMyMind]

Originally Posted by Rico

At least you got to see yours. I didn't really get to see my dad much at all until I turned 13. That's when I moved in with him. It lasted all of 9 months. Some people have no business procreating. I've forgiven both my parents for the mockery they made out of marriage, but I definitely had some really rough years.

Friend, are you bitter or better now?

It was a long time determining my anger at these events.

[Rico]

Originally Posted by BoredOutOfMyMind

Friend, are you bitter or better now?

It was a long time determining my anger at these events.

Brother, I didn't get over their divorce until I was well into my late 20s. I finally got to that place that I could see my parents through adult eyes and realized these two people never should have married in the first place. I asked my dad once why he married my mom and his answer to me was that because there was a running bet in the church between the young men on who could actually get her to agree to marry. She was a very "cold fish" kind of girl and no one could get her to agree to go out. My dad won the bet. I also asked my mom why it was she married my dad and her response to me was because she wanted to get out from under my grandfather's thumb. I told them both that they should be ashamed of themselves because I married my wife for one reason and one reason only-BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HER. Not to win some bet and not to get away from a controlling parent. They never should have married and my sister and I were the fallout from their mistake. Once I realized that they never should have married in the first place it was a lot easier to forgive them and give up my dreams and hopes of their ever reconciling.

Having experienced their divorce really helped me in being determined to not let it happen in my marriage. Yeah, my wife and I have had some rocky roads. Yeah, there have been times it seemed like we hated each other. But through it all one thing has kept us together and that is because we got married because we love each other. It's what put us together and what keeps us together and what carries us through those tough times when we want to kill each other, figuratively speaking of course.

As for my children, there is nothing in this world I would ever trade for them. NOTHING! They mean the world to me. Each one of them has promised me that when they grow up and become wealthy they are going to take Mom and Dad along for the ride! Woooo hooooo! With four of them in the running I am hopeful that at least one of them makes it big! Seriously, my children have all been a blessing. My son is tall and good looking, can play drums and basketball like nobody's business. My oldest daughter is winning award after award at school and was even recognized nationally this year over her performance at school. My middle daughter just loves her daddy to death and is always wanting to give me smoochies and hugs. My youngest daughter is cute as can be and really thinks she has her dad wrapped around her precious little finger. (She does, but I can't let her know that )

Overall, I am glad God decided to make sure I got to be a father and husband!

[rgcraig]

My kids were older - 16 and 19 when we went through the divorce.

The main problem with it all was the inconsistency from their dad. He was very, very hard on raising them and made it very clear that many things were "wrong".

So, after the divorce all that went out the window and now dad believed it was alright not to go to church or even that having a relationship with God was needed and smoking, drinking, affairs and living with women was all okay.

Just a year earlier he taught the high school SS class and had taught a series on the 10 commandments - - the lesson on adultery he taught to his own son and friends while he was in an adulterous relationship.

So, the inconsistency totally blew them away.