Things I left unsaid.

[ReddMann24]

There are always word's you wish you had not said. But its the words I should have spoken that haunt me instead.

I should have told my grandmaw I loved her. But I waited so those words will be forever unsaid.

That lost chance is sad as any can tell. Yet there are worse things I have left unspoken. In which the consequnce could be heaven or hell.

There was my friend from high school, who not to long ago took his life.
We were friends for a long time, but I never showed him GOD was the light.

Then there was my cousins friend who one night I gave a ride. As I drove we talked. I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes. We spoke of faith and how we both should try. Still the truth about salvation I kept inside. Now I'm just left to wonder what might have been. Because a few weeks later they buried my cousins friend.

Now I wish I could write about these two and say it was the end. But many times I was asked about GOD and often I kept it in.

Like one I was at my girls dads house just chewing the fat. When his friend starts talking about GOD how to be saved this and that. He talked about things he had done, maybe things he wished he could erase. I didnt tell him JESUS died to forgive his sins, I didnt think it was my place. He said I guess a man can never know if he is really saved, starring in wonder with confusion on his face. I just hung my head and waited on someone else to speak. The words he needed to hear they never came. He walked away from two spirit filled christians his soul totally unchanged.

These are the things that haunt me some nights in bed. I pray he will hear the truth, someone will say what I left unsaid.

Now after these things you think I would have learned.
To be bold in the spirit and address these concearns.
Still there was a similar conversation as you soon will learn.

It was while talking with my grandpaw after some awful news he had recieved. The diagnosis is cancer they are not sure it can be beat.
But through this dark cloud, a ray of hope appeared. My grandpaw went to church, a place he had not been in years.
We sat talking one day discussing his remaining time. He started to talk about GOD and how he knew everything would be fine. He said he asked GOD into his heart and to forgive him of his sins.
He said isnt that all I need to do? as I sat silent again. He was asking me for conformation and I sat silent again.

[ReddMann24]

My grandpaw lost his battle with lung cancer on 7/30/2009. We had the conversation mentioned above around jan of this year. There wasnt a day that went by that I didnt think of it. I wanted so bad to bring it back up but didnt. He went down so fast...and the whole time I was thinking I would tell him when he was a little better.....I felt foolish how could I go back and tell him he needed to do more to be saved now that he was so weak. He would get out of breath easily, then he needed oxygen if he got his heart rate up. A month or so later he needed oxygen all the time but could still get around. He went in the hospital early july and they sent him home on hospice care with six weeks to live.
I knew I needed to talk to him about it ...but now he was bed ridden and on 15 liters of oxygen. He had preachers from almost every denomination come by and pray&talk with him. One who prayed with him and the family at the hospital said, We know there was never a question concearning his salvation but hes worried so were gonna pray with him again so he can be at ease (one stepper). I was told later that evening thats why he was fighting so hard ....because he was unsure. Through all this I never mustered the courage to speak to him.
It has been on my mind 24-7 since he passed. I havent told anyone ....dont know why Im blabbing on here ? Its just that the thought that he missed heaven because of me keeps torchering my mind. I havent been going to church for about a year & 1/2 due to my job. Now I dont know if Ill ever go back ....I mean how can I talk to GOD and pray for forgiveness if I let my grandpaw pass without telling him the truth???

Im really having trouble dealing with this ...could really use some words of wisdom....Ive had people pass who I didnt talk to when I was younger .....but the difference is he asked me.... He wasnt an ignorant man he had an associates degree in theology from liberty university, he had a library of study material and he was involved in the upc church I attend before I was born. Ive been told he knew what he had to do ....but I just keep gong back to ....if he knew why did he ask me?

[hometown guy]

Originally Posted by ReddMann24

My grandpaw lost his battle with lung cancer on 7/30/2009. We had the conversation mentioned above around jan of this year. There wasnt a day that went by that I didnt think of it. I wanted so bad to bring it back up but didnt. He went down so fast...and the whole time I was thinking I would tell him when he was a little better.....I felt foolish how could I go back and tell him he needed to do more to be saved now that he was so weak. He would get out of breath easily, then he needed oxygen if he got his heart rate up. A month or so later he needed oxygen all the time but could still get around. He went in the hospital early july and they sent him home on hospice care with six weeks to live.
I knew I needed to talk to him about it ...but now he was bed ridden and on 15 liters of oxygen. He had preachers from almost every denomination come by and pray&talk with him. One who prayed with him and the family at the hospital said, We know there was never a question concearning his salvation but hes worried so were gonna pray with him again so he can be at ease (one stepper). I was told later that evening thats why he was fighting so hard ....because he was unsure. Through all this I never mustered the courage to speak to him.
It has been on my mind 24-7 since he passed. I havent told anyone ....dont know why Im blabbing on here ? Its just that the thought that he missed heaven because of me keeps torchering my mind. I havent been going to church for about a year & 1/2 due to my job. Now I dont know if Ill ever go back ....I mean how can I talk to GOD and pray for forgiveness if I let my grandpaw pass without telling him the truth???

Im really having trouble dealing with this ...could really use some words of wisdom....Ive had people pass who I didnt talk to when I was younger .....but the difference is he asked me.... He wasnt an ignorant man he had an associates degree in theology from liberty university, he had a library of study material and he was involved in the upc church I attend before I was born. Ive been told he knew what he had to do ....but I just keep gong back to ....if he knew why did he ask me?

He is in the hands of a merciful God.

Just remember you can not do anything about the past but you can do something about your future. I will be praying for you.

[MissBrattified]

ReddMann24, I'm so sorry about your Grandpa. God is a just God, and a God of grace and mercy. He will have mercy upon whom He will have mercy. Put your Grandpa in His capable hands. We can't put anyone into heaven or hell--period. Ultimately, we must do what we are called to do, and leave the rest to Him. And if we miss the mark, we must ask forgiveness.

Secondly, the only difference between two traitors was that one threw himself upon the mercy of God, and the other gave up on God's mercy. Judas meted to himself his own destruction, but PETER--an equal traitor--was not only forgiven, but was given the keys to the kingdom. It's when we feel we have done the unforgivable that we must turn ourselves over to God's grace & mercy! He is able.

How do you think Paul felt, knowing that he had played the part of judge, jury and executioner to Christians in his past? How painful it must have been for him to look back and realize he had turned the sword on righteous men and women!

I can understand how you can feel condemned for what you feel you have done--or rather haven't done--but it's humility that allows us to look God in the face with great vulnerability and throw ourselves upon His mercy. He is the only one who can remove the shame and condemnation that faces us at certain times in our lives.

I'm sorry that you didn't share what you felt you should with your Grandpa. That must be so difficult for you. But don't allow it to bring destruction, depression, condemnation and a lack of faith into your heart. Bring yourself into the presence of God, find His mercy, and look forward.

[misspresley]

My deepest sympathy to you - Losing someone you love leaves a hole in your heart. Forgive yourself for all you didn't do, and start TODAY, in your Grandpa's memory, to say and do what you feel God lays on your heart! Forgive yourself and move on. You will still grieve over his absence, but you can find so much peace in forgiving yourself!!

[ReddMann24]

thank you so much for your words. I do feel a ton of relief from just saying what had been on my mind and hearing what you all had to say.
Thank so much for the ones who prayed...I know its foolish but i find it so hard to ask for prayer. Thats probably why I havent talked to anyone in person about this.
But your prayers have worked. I have thought about it but I havent felt the guilt that I was feeling....its was begining to be to much.
thanks again youll never know how much you all helped me.

[Rhoni]

Reddman24,

I have a difficult time saying good-bye to those that I love. My first experience with this was when Sis. Barr was dying. I left her house wanting to say something to her because I knew I would never see her alive again, but I just couldn't.

Since then there have been many others that I wanted to say something to, including my biological father, but I just couldn't.

I think that we are all human and there are some things difficult to put into words or actions even when we know they should be done. Forgive yourself and others for being human.

Blessings, Rhoni