Why God Made Moms

[Sam]

WHY GOD MADE MOMS..

..Answers given by..2nd grade school children..to the following questions:
..
..Why did God make mothers?
1... She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2... Mostly to clean the house.
3... To help us out of there when we were getting born.
..
How did God make mothers?..
1... He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2... Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3... God made my mom just the same like he made me... He just used bigger parts.
..
What ingredients are mothers made of?..
1... God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean..
2... They had to get their start from men's bones... Then they mostly use string, I think.
..
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?..
1... We're related.
2... God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
..
What kind of a little girl was your mom?..
1... My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2... I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3... They say she used to be nice.
..
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?..
1... His last name.
2... She had to know his background... Like is he a crook?.. Does he get drunk on beer?
3... Does he make at least $800 a year?.. Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
..
Why did your mom marry your dad?..
1... My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world... And my mom eats a lot.
2... She got too old to do anything else with him.
3... My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
..
Who's the boss at your house?..
1... Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2... Mom... You can tell by room inspection... She sees the stuff under the bed.
3... I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
..
What' s the difference between..moms and dads?..
1... Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
2... Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
3... Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
..
What does your mom do in her spare time?..
1... Mothers don't do spare time
2... To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
..
What would it take to make your mom perfect?..
1... On the inside she's already perfect... Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2... Diet... You know, her hair... I'd diet, maybe blue.
..
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?..
1... She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean... I'd get rid of that.
2... I'd make my mom smarter... Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3... I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
..

[Pressing-On]

Originally Posted by Sam

WHY GOD MADE MOMS..
..
What ingredients are mothers made of?..

1... God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean....

And don't I know it!!!!!!

[BeenThinkin]

Thanks Sam. Gonna put that in my Sunday Bulletin...

Been Thinkin

[Sam]

In honor of Mother’s Day this coming Sunday I thought I would share a compilation of

Valuable Lessons In Life That I Learned From My Mother


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."


2... My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it"


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13 My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."


14.. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"


24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and they'll give back ten fold... They will do all you did except 10 times more.

[NotforSale]

I love my mom more than ever. She's a devout Catholic, and taught me to love God as a small child. I hug her, kiss her, and tell her she's a wonderful woman.

Oh, she made a few mistakes raising us kids, but I told her not to worry about those things. That's the past, and she is forgiven in my book.

God Bless our Mom's!

[BeenThinkin]

One of my favorite columns by Erma Bombeck tells of God in the act of creating mothers. She says that on the day God created mothers He had already worked long overtime. And an angel said to Him, "Lord, you sure are spending a lot of time on this one."

The Lord turned & said, "Have you read the specs on this model? She is supposed to be completely washable, but not plastic. She is to have 180 moving parts, all of them replaceable. She is to have a kiss that will heal everything from a broken leg to a broken heart. She is to have a lap that will disappear whenever she stands up. She is to be able to function on black coffee & leftovers. And she is supposed to have six pairs of hands."

"Six pairs of hands," said the angel, "that’s impossible." "It’s not the six pairs of hands that bother me." said the Lord, "It’s the three pairs of eyes. She is supposed to have one pair that sees through closed doors so that whenever she says, `What are you kids doing in there?’ she already knows what they’re doing in there."

"She has another pair in the back of her head to see all the things she is not supposed to see but must see. And then she has one pair right in front that can look at a child that just goofed & communicate love & understanding without saying a word."

"That’s too much." said the angel, "You can’t put that much in one model. Why don’t you rest for a while & resume your creating tomorrow?"

"No, I can’t," said the Lord. "I’m close to creating someone very much like myself. I’ve already come up with a model who can heal herself when she is sick - who can feed a family of six with one pound of hamburger - & who can persuade a nine year old to take a shower."

Then the angel looked at the model of motherhood a little more closely & said, "She’s too soft." "Oh, but she is tough," said the Lord. "You’d be surprised at how much this mother can do."

"Can she think?" asked the angel. "Not only can she think," said the Lord, "but she can reason & compromise & persuade."

Then the angel reached over & touched her cheek. "This one has a leak," he said. "I told you that you couldn’t put that much in one model." "That’s not a leak," said the Lord. "That’s a tear."

"What’s a tear for?" asked the angel. "Well it’s for joy, for sadness, for sorrow, for disappointment, for pride." "You’re a genius," said the angel. And the Lord said, "Oh, but I didn’t put it there."

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY (Sunday) TO ALL OF OUR MOMS!

Been Thinkin

[Cindy]

Originally Posted by Sam

In honor of Mother’s Day this coming Sunday I thought I would share a compilation of

Valuable Lessons In Life That I Learned From My Mother


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."


2... My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."


3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."


5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."


7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."


8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."


11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it"


12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"


13 My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."


14.. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"


15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."


16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."


17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"


18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"


20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."


21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."


22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."


23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"


24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and they'll give back ten fold... They will do all you did except 10 times more.

[Sam]

It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman!

Why did God create Woman from Man’s rib, when He could
have simply created her from dust, as He did Man? This
is a story that puts a beautiful touch on the
reasoning:

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke
them into being. When I created man, I formed him from
the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his
nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed
the breath of life into man because your nostrils are
too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man
was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with
the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib,
which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I
created you perfectly and beautifully. Your
characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate
and fragile. You provide protection for the most
delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of
life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man
as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You
were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be
held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You
are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a
splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I
see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change
them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to
touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep;
I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives
and breathes, you are the most like me.”

“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he
was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could
only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness,
my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and
support. You are special because you are the extension
of me.”

“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. So man:
treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is
fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to
her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage
your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart
of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show
him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle
quietness show your strength. In love, show him that
you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

[Sam]

The Heart of a Woman

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his Sixth day of working overtime.

An Angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold two children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!" said the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have! And that's just on the standard model?" The Angel asked about the three pairs of eyes.

The Lord nodded. "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day, wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I can't!" The Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman, "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," The Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the Angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," The Lord objected, "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything, for women are truly amazing."