God is love,
1 John 4:7-8. He knows where you are and how you are hurting, and He is there, even if there are times you don't feel Him, because He promised never to leave us or forsake us. We are praying for you.
As far as how He can forgive, He can and does. All we need to do is ask him, and He does. Then take some baby steps back to Him-pick up your Bible, set aside a time each day to pray...
You might try keeping a list of all the good things that happen. Even the little bitty ones. Every day. All the little ways that God may be saying, Kare, I love you. The flower you see blooming by the road. The child that smiles at you in the grocery store. The feeling that God is hearing. The good church service. The Bible passage that speaks out to you.
How does God forgive? When I was a kid, I painted a little flat ceramic turtle. It was as good as a 9 year old usually does... others would have said, "oh, wow" and gone back to their lives. But I made this turtle, and to me it was pretty. It even had, oh, probably 10 different colors of very glossy paint on it. Beautiful!
One day, my turtle, proudly displayed on my dresser, jumped off. He broke, and I cried. But I still loved my turtle. I glued him back together, put him in a safer but no less prominent spot, and though I regretted that he broke, because I made him, he was still beautiful to me... cracks and all. And often when I wonder at the love and mercy of God, I think of that multicolored flat ceramic turtle, painted by a 9 year old, broken and glued, but still loved. God made us, so He loves us and forgives us. Even when we're broken, we are beautiful in His eyes.