[SOUNWORTHY]

Searchingout, you are not alone in your thinking. I have been upc most of my life and that's not a short time. I set in a service and when I leave to go home I have the feeling I just don't measure up even though I do everything I know to do. People around me are running, dancing, shouting and even though that is good, I don't do any of those things, I weep when I feel the presence of God. I have asked so many times 'What does God really want from me" ? There are two scriptures that keep me going. He who endures to the end shall be saved and the Rightous shall live by faith. As for me I constantly examine myself and compare myself not to other men but the word of God. Man will fail you and use you but God will not.I left UPC for awhile, the people in the new church were great and I developed many friends but when I really needed those friends when my wife passed away they just wasn't there, I was left alone. You know what, I still love those friends and it made me examine myself and I found out there had been times in the past that I may not have been there when I was needed by my friends.

As far as being hurt by those in the church, There are two places we are most apt to be hurt, Our church family and our natural family. Remember when Jesus was asked where he received those scars he said "in the house of my friends" Don't loose faith and don't let others influence your walk with God, hang in there and endure till the end. It'll be worth it all.

La vie est un voyage, pas une destination.

Don