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Dear Rhoni,
I grew up in a pentecostal home and was called to the ministry at an early age. I had some very unfortunate incidents that occurred when I was young that never seemed to heal until just these last couple of years.
I was molested several times growing up and was rejected by my mother who sent me away at 11. I was fortunate to have some relatives take me in; although, I never had a stable home during those years, I can testify that the majority of my mother's family always showered me with love and continued to encourage me to serve the Lord.
In spite of my early years, I went on to join the military, went to college and have lived a life of security. I've enjoyed preaching and teaching and being apart of a group of young ministers. I have so many wonderful memories of those years.
Things did change when it was known that I followed the call to AIDS/Hospice ministry. Many of my young minister friends didn't understand and I was shunned by most of them. Though the loses were hard, I was even more determined to heed the call of God.
For many years, I have focused on others who were suffering and dying and gave all I had to my ministry.
The irony of it all...
I'm now 40 years old and I have AIDS. For over a year now, I've been losing my battle. I've stopped attending church, because I could no longer hide my illness.
My worse fear was that people would find out about my secret. The one thing that has devastated me the most besides my declining health was knowing that I could never find another church family who would love me. I don't share this with anyone for I know that I would be rejected.
What does someone like me do when there is no one else like me in a church? What am I to do now that I can't hide in a healthy body? Will there ever be a place for me?
Just me
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