Quote:
Originally Posted by coksiw
Very good insightful posts here. Thanks Esaias, good stuff.
Spirit&Truth, beware of the pendulum effect. When most people are faced with a truth that shakes their foundation, and they accept it, they tend to distrust the whole foundation and struggle with it for a while. You will need to get over it. You seem already to be progressing towards that. Prayer and fasting as the ApostolicNativ user recommended is the best way to lift up your spiritual life and get a conviction without overreacting in the opposite direction.
I tithed for few decades believing it. However, I always found the tithing doctrine weak and unfounded. I actually went to my pastor to encourage him to present something better than that because I wanted to believe. He never did.
Then I began to get bother by things. The fact that poor churches were criticized for not supporting the pastor with tithes (can't afford tithing, really, but just doing their best). I was poor myself and I can tell you the "percentage is always affordable" thing is a myth. The fact that tithing of the gross is still not accurate (same income can have different tithes because of contractors vs employed, etc..), gifts tithing, etc... sounded to me more and more like legalistic. And also the fact that the New testament taught so much about giving to the poor members, and because of tithing, giving substantially to effectively help them was unaffordable. I personally wasn't able to help my parents at time because I couldn't afford it. That actually hurt me sometimes. Something was wrong in the system. But you know, they tell you you must have faith and keep tithing.
Then, one day in prayer I came to the realization that tithing was not a command of the Lord for the new church. Then I studied deeply the issue and got a better foundation why wasn't. During that time I struggled at times with trusting what I was taught all together. But my experiences with God, the Spirit of the Lord stopped me from going the wrong path. I don't think I struggled as much as you did, but very similar anyways.
I think this happens because of not having full conviction of what you believe, but instead an attitude of trusting and accepting without verifying it. That being said, I think we all go through that stage: you accept the teaching without much questioning because of the excitement, then you mature...
Regarding your ministry, remember that what pleases the Lord is that you win souls and you make disciples. Preaching from the pulpit is a mix of prophesying and making disciples by teaching to a multitude. However, in God's sight, the one-to-one making of disciples is very pleasing to him as well. If you look at it from that perspective, preaching from the pulpit to a congregation is really not that much more pleasing than doing to a few in God's eyes. You are still fulfilling his commandment and in the front-line. You can keep giving a 10% and think of it as your contribution to the local church. You can also tell your Pastor that you want to keep participating in outreach and discipleship but you can't teach about tithing because of your conscientious and would leave that to them.
Whatever you do, you can't stop making disciples. That's a commandment from the Lord. And you can't stop giving to the church and to the members in need. That's an expected repentance fruit. If the pastor is too radical about it, you may need to find another church of your faith. Getting people saved, whether they believe in tithing or not, is more important.
Just my experience. It can be different than yours, but I hope I could give you some encouragement.
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Thanks for this post. Indeed there is a dangerous pendulum effect that can happen. I actually noticed that well before my own questioning (or more reexamining) my beliefs. I have had many friends who got caught up on one false or erroneous teaching, but they ended up so far in the other direction that it just didn't make any rational sense.
I guess for an update to everyone here who replied, I feel that I have mostly settled now. I continued to seek the truth, and to be honest things got much worse than my original post. I found it so difficult to feel or experience God, and even began examining arguments from the atheist spectrum of beliefs. For the first time, some of their arguments were actually making sense, and it was absolutely terrifying. My whole life from 13 years old has been built around belief in God, specifically the Apostolic faith. It felt like I was losing my best friend, like a literal death in my life.
Thankfully, the Lord did not leave me sitting in darkness. All of this started with an earnest desire for truth, and I believe what I went through was necessary for my spiritual development. What I discovered is that there is no way I could let go of my belief in God! God has revealed Himself to me PERSONALLY in so many different ways, that I don't need scientific or philosophical proof of His existence, and I believe this is the way He has designed our world to work! In pride, we think that we can somehow "uncover" God, but in reality it is only God who reveals Himself to us! I literally cannot even have faith without His help. This is both humbling and freeing in the sense that I can now lean more on Jesus and not my flesh. I'm trusting Him to save me and get me through.
Coksiw said "But my experiences with God, the Spirit of the Lord stopped me from going the wrong path." and that was a lot of what happened to me. I looked back on my life and saw so many miracles, things for the most part impossible without God's involvement. I started to realize that faith isn't really faith unless it is tested. If we could prove this is all real, then it wouldn't really be faith, would it? It would just be facts and knowledge.
My beliefs have changed a little in the sense that a lot of particular doctrines I used to just accept on someone else's word are now in a more "undecided" category until I have studied them out myself. Overall it has been a really good thing for me... I am much less disposed to just believe any doctrine that blows through, and I am compelled to search for strong scriptural support for the doctrines that we believe. If the support isn't there, I don't feel bad. I'm not responsible for defending the particular dogmas of any one group, nor am I responsible for "proving" something is true if it isn't. I love and believe on the Lord, and trust that the Spirit is leading me into all truth.