Every day the blessed Lord allows me to open my beautiful light brown eyes in the morning, I always grab my mirror from the nightstand, look at myself, and give myself a pep-talk.
Does anyone else do this? I look at myself in the mirror and say, self, who are you not to be great? You, with the imagination of a brilliant genius and the powers of an ancient god. Who are you to be ordinary? You, who can rescind life, or raise the dead. Who are you to be afraid? Who are you to be a slave to the past? You who can travel time like the oceans and rewrite history with a single word. Who are you to be anonymous? You, whose name should be spoken in reverent tones or in terrified whispers. Who are you to deny greatness? If you would deny it to yourself, you deny it to the entire world.
We will not be denied!
I then walk to the restroom, splash water on my handsome face, and then sit on the toilet and go diarrhea. And as I sit on my throne doing my business, I remember the diarrhea song:
When you're shooting at a foul, And there's buckshot in your bowel, Diarrhea diarrhea. When you think it's chicken soup, but it's really liquid poop. When you tour the streets of Rome,
And your backside just starts to foam. When your stomach's really hurting, and your backside starts a squirting. When you're eatin' some Chinese, and your backside begins to sneeze.
When you’re sitting in your Chevy, and you feel something heavy. When you’re driving down the road, and you’re backside tries to explode.
