A Sunday school teacher asked her class to draw a picture illustrating a Bible story.One paper handed in contained a picture of a big car.An old man ,with long whiskers flying in the breeze,was driving.A man and a woman were seated in the back of the car.Puzzled ,the teacher asked little Johnnie to explain his drawing."Why that is God.He is driving Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden."

A woman who is always up in the air and harping on something is not necessarily an angel.

:ignore

How did I know this one would get a reaction! lol:hanky

As John said after his dream "Armageddon out of here!"

Baseball is talked about a great deal in the Bible:In the big inning ,Eve stole first,Adam stole second,Gideon rattled the pitchers-Goliath was put out by David-and the Prodigal Son made a home run.

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from ! his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."


KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It’s the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle."


SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I’m just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!"

50th Wedding Anniversary

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the
reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After
all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marriage.'"

The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my
husband's spelling."

Repent you jokester. Just kidding I must say those are good ones

Goony bird
 

Clean "Goony Bird" Joke

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"